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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year.
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The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of children's charities which are located in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 funding sources and expenses percentage in
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 year period. In general, the
charity
Use synonyms
 receives the highest
revenue
Use synonyms
 from donated food
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and uses almost all gains for program services.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there occurs a surplus from the financial statement through the pie chart in children's charities.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, donated food (86,6%) is the main source to fund the
charity
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, community contributions (10,4%) and program
revenue
Use synonyms
 (2,2%) are the only
revenue
Use synonyms
 which exceeds 1%. Meanwhile, other funding sources (investment income, government grants, and other income) merely generate less than 0,5% for the
charity
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
spent
Replace the word
spending
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 only
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
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 3 main expenses.
In addition
Linking Words
, most of the
revenue
Use synonyms
 is for funding the program services (95,8%).
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 fundraising and management and general expenses only spent 2,6% and 1,6% respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a surplus phenomenon with more than 300.000 USD occurring in the children's
charity
Use synonyms
.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words charity, revenue with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • donations
  • grants
  • fundraising events
  • expenditure
  • administration costs
  • program expenses
  • direct benefits
  • indirect benefits
  • underprivileged children
  • education
  • healthcare
  • shelter
  • nourishment
  • medical treatments
  • basic needs
  • financial sustainability
  • transparency
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