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Band 4

Children are now less active in their free time than in the past. Therefore, sports lessons must be compulsory in school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #time #sports #lessons #school
Nowadays, more people take care
Change preposition
of a
show examples
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
lot
 of their children. They said that children are now less active in their free
time
 than in the past. More individuals think that the solution is
sports
 lessons must be compulsory in school. In
this
 essay, I will explain why I agree with
this
 point of view and show all
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 for that.
Firstly
, we need to know that physical education is the lesson
helps
Correct pronoun usage
that helps
show examples
 us keep balance. On a normal day, we add calories to our body so much, that if we can't find a solution to burn it, we will be overweight.
Moreover
, playing
sports
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 us have
nice
Correct word choice
good
show examples
health
, and to maintain a healthy lifestyle, we need to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise more and more. But we don't have
time
 to play
sports
 or do exercise, so the
time
 in school is a good
time
 to learn it.
Therefore
,
sports
 lessons must be compulsory in school. Curently, physical education teaches us more and more than keep a nice
health
. It teaches us how to discipline and work with others as a team. Teamwork is the important thing we need to learn when we
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children, playing
sports
 which can play with a team can improve us a
lot
 of teamwork.
Moreover
, if people are unfit, the government will have to spend a
lot
 of money on medical care in the future. It is a waste of money and we need to solve it by doing more exercise to improve
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
nice
health
. In my opinion, schools need to spend a
lot
 of money on
sports
 facilities to attract students who can find interest in
sports
. If we can do it, more students will enjoy physical education
time
. In conclusion, sport is an important lesson we need to learn to have a good lifestyle and
nice
Correct word choice
good
show examples
health
 because
health
 is so important when it has a problem, it is so hard to resolve it.

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task achievement
Ensure to address all parts of the task. While you mentioned agreement to the statement, it would strengthen your essay to also consider and rebut the counter-arguments.
task achievement
Work on expanding and fully developing your ideas. Clear and comprehensive responses are necessary for a higher band. Utilize multiple paragraphs to expand on each point.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your arguments. These examples should be specific and directly related to your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear and logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. Both should be present and clearly state your main arguments and summarizations, respectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is supported with explanations or examples. Avoid unsubstantiated statements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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