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Band 7.5

Today, many people don’t know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #don’t #neighbours #cities
Nowadays, there is a scenario in lots of cities where people do not communicate with someone who is living nearby them.
This
 essay will demonstrate the reasons for
this
 problem and will explain some ways to solve it. It is vital to understand that the world is living faster than in the past, the evidence is numerous residents have a busy life and do not care about anything surrounding them, merely about their
work
 and their lives. It makes the schedule more difficult to go and meet someone else, just
work
 and
then
 go home and
work
 again. That circulation causes a huge gap between them and their neighbours. Citizens do not want to spend their time and pay attention to people that they did not know before. In Vietnam, there used to be a situation in which a man who lived in that place for 3 years was extremely busy, which made no one living around the place know him. The main reason for
this
 problem that the public does not know their neighbours is their busy lives. These days, individuals should
work
 hard in order to provide welfare for their families.
For example
, in a nuclear family, both men and women might have a nine-to-five job in order to earn high revenue.
On the other hand
, there are always traffic jams in metropolitans, especially in rush hours.
Consequently
, employees are stuck in traffic and spend most of their time commuting.
As a result
, they have no energy to communicate with their neighbours on weekdays, and at the weekends they want to rest and regain their energy to start the week energetically. In conclusion, economic situations and bustling lives have caused society to have less time to know the next-door families.
on the contrary
, there are some suggested ways to rectify it,
such
 as celebrating traditional events together or allowing their children to strike a friendship.

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coherence cohesion
One suggestion is to provide more specific examples and evidence to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful and engaging. Try to provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that directly addresses the essay prompt.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary to enhance the essay's overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
Make an effort to vary sentence structures and use more complex grammatical structures to improve the grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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