IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Today, many people do not know their neigbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neigbours #cities
It is widely argued that the connection between the inhabitants has become weaker than before, especially in urban areas.
This
 writer advocates that a busy lifestyle and well-developed equipment are the main causes of
this
 issue.
However
, it can be tackled by organizing events in the neighbourhood. The following essay will illustrate both causes and solutions to
this
 problem. As a matter of fact, the hustle and bustle of city life makes
people
 busier. The citizens concentrate on their individual careers and businesses.
Therefore
, the industries and quality of life in urban areas are better than in the countryside.
However
, they have less time to meet each other regularly and create a gap between humans. It is clear to realize that young
people
 do not contact their neighbourhood and their lives just revolve around houses and schools.
In addition
, busy life affects our behaviour and habits. The inhabitants are getting used to having their private lives. In the digital era, the development of technology and devices is another reason for
this
 issue. In recent years, humans have spent a large amount of time on social media.
For instance
, during the Covid-19 disease, most citizens use the internet and online apps for work and study.
Therefore
, mobile phones become a part of our lives and we spend more time staying online
instead
 of talking face to face. In consequence,
people
 are unsociable and unneighborly, staying in their comfort zone with technologies.
Last
 but not least, the method for
this
 trouble is celebrating social events in the locality in order to find a common touch.
For example
, on special occasions
such
 as Christmas, New Year and Easter,
people
 in the neighbourhood may organize a party together, it
also
 connects us and builds up memories.
To conclude
, the relationships in large cities are worse than before.
This
 writer believes that
this
 problem should be improved by the community's activities.

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting main points could be strengthened to enhance the overall coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task prompt, addressing both the problems caused by not knowing neighbors in large cities and suggesting a solution through neighborhood events.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is adequate, with varied vocabulary and appropriate word choices. However, more advanced vocabulary could be used to enhance the essay.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is generally good, with a variety of sentence structures used. However, there are some minor errors in sentence structure and word usage that could be improved.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Communal support
  • Shared responsibility
  • Neighborhood safety
  • Emergency situations
  • Community watch
  • Neighborhood initiatives
  • Communication and trust
  • Anonymity
  • Social isolation
  • Mental health issues
  • Community events
  • Online forums
  • Social media groups
  • Neighborhood welcome committees
  • Volunteer projects
  • Community centers
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