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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#sugar #health #people #government’s #responsibility #limit #people’s #consumption #individual’s #amount
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The rate of obesity is now greater than at almost any point in history and spending a lot of
sugar
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 is damaging
health
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. Some argue that authorities have to prevent and put the rules to limit uses .
On the other hand
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, other groups of
people
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 believe that individuals who accountable for their eating. In
this
Linking Words
 essay , I will discuss both sides and explain my perspective in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with the view that , the healthcare sector should ban the use of
sugar
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 spending . Even a straightforward that
sugar
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harm
Fix the agreement mistake
harms
show examples
 and destroys
health
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people
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 use it every day
Correct word choice
and
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night.
However
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 , individuals argue that the government should be responsible towards their
health
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 and limit the use of
sugar
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 consumption to reduce the disease . In
this
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 case, they have to educate
people
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 about the dangers of
sugar
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 consumption . So , the possible solution is to reduce
this
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 problem they have to publish on social media and platforms.
for example
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, the research and studies evidence consumption of
sugar
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 leads to a lot of diseases that cause cancer and other illnesses .
On the other hand
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 , The primary consideration for
people
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 is their
health
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 they should care and educate themselves and be aware towards their
health
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 who eat limited little
sugar
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 and have regular exercise are more likely to live longer with higher levels of energy and higher levels of happiness.
For instance
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, my siblings always promoted and encouraged me to do daily activities to be more active and healthy as they have regular exercise and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are healthier than me . In conclusion, the government and individuals both have shared the responsibility together for their
health
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 care and the
health
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 benefits to society . In my opinion,
people
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 should be aware of their
health
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 and practice regular exercise to keep fit and cut
sugar
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 in their lives.
Submitted by a.almakmari93 on

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Task Response
Try to address both views in a more balanced way and make sure your argument is clear and well-articulated for each perspective.
Task Response
Ensure that your main points are fully supported with examples and clear explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the linking of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for smoother flow.
Coherence and Cohesion
Add more transitional phrases to improve clarity between your points and help guide the reader smoothly through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and clearly state your opinion on the topic.
Task Achievement
You effectively highlighted the responsibilities of both the government and individuals in addressing sugar consumption.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmful
  • government intervention
  • policies and regulations
  • public health
  • individual responsibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • freedom of choice
  • balanced approach
  • food industry
  • sugar content
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • health problems
  • taxation
  • advertising restrictions
  • labeling requirements
  • reading food labels
  • natural sweeteners
  • cooking at home
  • moderation
  • balanced diets
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