IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Certain groups believe residing in metropolitan is awful for their well-being. Personally, I strongly agree with
this
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 theory because living in big cities has negative impacts on both physical and mental health.
To begin
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 with, economic activities are central to big towns.
Therefore
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, they are often crowded with workers, vehicles, factories, and office buildings. Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, is a powerful example in
this
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 matter. The city is packed with outsiders who often bring along their families
as well as
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 factories which contribute to worsening air quality through their industrial excesses. It is not a coincidence that a lot of its townspeople have respiratory problems and hospitals are starting to get overwhelmed with patients with these symptoms.
In addition
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, metropolitans have the tendency to burden their inhabitants with mental problems. Long traffic, stressful working environments, and overcapacity of public transportation are familiar setbacks in huge towns.
For instance
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, the chaotic nature of Jakarta can easily wreck a person's mindfulness within weeks, especially when they previously lived in quieter regions. It is undeniable that the city has one of the worst traffic in the world and its public transportation is not stellar either,
whereas
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 commuting from and to work in Jakarta on a daily basis can be very stressful.
To sum up
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, I solemnly believe that big cities are not ideal choices for people who prioritise their physical and mental health.
This
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 is mainly caused by centralised economic activities that make those cities overcrowded with folks, resulting in polluted air and traffic setbacks. The governments can address these issues by monitoring industries which contribute the most to decreasing air quality
as well as
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 improving public facilities to make them convenient to use.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with well-developed paragraphs. Keep up the good work.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more explicit in addressing the topic. Provide a brief overview of your main points in the introduction and restate your position clearly in the conclusion.
lexical resource
Your essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. Try to include more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
You have a good command of grammar, with minimal errors. Continue to expand your grammatical range by incorporating more complex sentence structures and varied sentence patterns.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • overcrowding
  • air pollution
  • noise pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • work pressures
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • lack of exercise
  • pandemics
  • green spaces
  • affordability
  • healthcare services
  • recreational facilities
  • cosmopolitan
  • diversity
  • personal development
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