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Band 5.5

More and more people no longer read newspapers or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #newspapers #tv #programs #news #world #internet #development
With the development of technology, it is common for
people
 to know current affairs through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
instead
 of newspaper and TV programmes. From my point of view, I believe that it is a positive development.
Firstly
, one of the main
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 is getting information from the
internet
 is positive progress as the widening information gap between
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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urban citizens and
people
 from rural areas.
For instance
, the data on the
internet
 would not be limited by distances of expenditures, leading to
people
 living in remote
region
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regions
show examples
will be
Wrong verb form
being
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 able to access as similar information as
urban
Correct article usage
the urban
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 public.
Furthermore
, it would allow us to take
report
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reports
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 on time.
By contrast
, taking
word
Add an article
the word
a word
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 from
newspaper
Add an article
the newspaper
show examples
 would offer to take our expense and
and
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apply
show examples
a long term of shipping which cause a time difference between citizens and
people
 from rural regions in knowing current advent.
Secondly
, another conspicuous reason is that knowing current events through
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 will prove our
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth.
Moreover
, the amount of news on the
internet
 is unlimited
while
 those in TV programmes and
newspaper
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newspapers
show examples
would
Verb problem
are
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limit
Wrong verb form
limited
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 in some
situation
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situations
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.
Therefore
, it is definitely clear that
people
 get in touch with
contents
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content
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that appeared
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appeared
Wrong verb form
appears
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 on the
internet
due to
 the chance that they make
profit
Add an article
a profit
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 will go up.
Additionally
,
this
 phenomenon
lead
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leads
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 to
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 environment because it will decrease the number of
paper making
Add a hyphen
paper-making
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 or other industries,
cqausing
Correct your spelling
causing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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damage to the economy. In conclusion,
although
 short-term disadvantages will occur in the economy, there will be a return in the long run and in more aspects.
Therefore
, I believe that
this
 phenomenon is a positive development.
Submitted by phthaoo on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting evidence. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clearer thesis statement in your introduction to provide a clear indication of your stance.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using more precise and varied words and phrases.
grammatical range
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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