Education is important for young people in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for an adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #government #money #adult #population

Nowadays education is a crucial debate for almost all humanity and it is important for youngsters

as well as

adult

Add an article

the adult

show examples

population. In my opinion, the government should allocate equal resources and investments for elders and youngsters. So in

this

essay

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essay,

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I will delve into that ideology.

To begin

with,

young

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the young

show examples

population is our future and in

society

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society,

show examples

tons of individuals must

prioritized

Wrong verb form

prioritise

show examples

this

vital stance

because

Add the preposition

because of

show examples

the ability

Change preposition

show examples

fast

comprehension

Replace the word

comprehend

show examples

and learning of kids. A highly educated kid with literacy might contribute to the

countries

Change noun form

country's

show examples

economy and provide a big economic growth in the future.

On the other hand

, the government should make an investment

Change preposition

show examples

elderly people

likewise

the young population of the country because being illiterate as an adult is conclusively compelling in each aspect of life.

For example

, increasing the education level among adults maintains a high employment and workforce with

equipped

Correct article usage

an equipped

show examples

crowd.

To conclude

, having discussed the topic in detail, it is important to strike a balance between investing in education for adults and youngsters at the same time.

Submitted by Ilgım on Mon Nov 06 2023

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Coherence and Cohesion

There is a proficient use of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to keep coherence and cohesion intact. However, you could benefit from further variation in their usage. Try introducing more synonymous phrases.

Task Achievement

You addressed the topic and provided a clear viewpoint which you maintained throughout discussion. However, more specific examples and further explanation of your thoughts adds depth to your discussion and show clear comprehension of the task.

Lexical Resource

Your vocabulary is varied and you use colloquial language relevant to the topic, try to enrich your vocabulary with more complex words specific to the topic .

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

There is a good mix of complex and simple sentences, and grammar is largely accurate. Yet, there are occasional awkward phrases and word order. Trace grammatical mistakes and try to avoid them in future essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

174 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

education
young people
government
money
adult population
read
write
development
nation
improve
quality of life
investing
reduced
poverty
income inequality
funds
balancing
budget allocation
crucial
equal access
opportunities
promoting
literacy
numeracy
positive effects
society

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Education is important for young people in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for an adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that studying at university or collage is the best route to a successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything of they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?