IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Education is important for young people in many countries. However, some people think that the government should spend more money on education for an adult population who cannot read and write. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #people #countries #government #money #adult #population
Nowadays education is a crucial debate for almost all humanity and it is important for youngsters
as well as
adult
Add an article
the adult
show examples
 population. In my opinion, the government should allocate equal resources and investments for elders and youngsters. So in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will delve into that ideology.
To begin
 with,
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 population is our future and in
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 tons of individuals must
prioritized
Wrong verb form
prioritise
show examples
this
 vital stance
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
 the ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 fast
comprehension
Replace the word
comprehend
show examples
 and learning of kids. A highly educated kid with literacy might contribute to the
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 economy and provide a big economic growth in the future.
On the other hand
, the government should make an investment
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 elderly people
likewise
 the young population of the country because being illiterate as an adult is conclusively compelling in each aspect of life.
For example
, increasing the education level among adults maintains a high employment and workforce with
equipped
Correct article usage
an equipped
show examples
 crowd.
To conclude
, having discussed the topic in detail, it is important to strike a balance between investing in education for adults and youngsters at the same time.
Submitted by Ilgım on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
There is a proficient use of cohesive devices and topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to keep coherence and cohesion intact. However, you could benefit from further variation in their usage. Try introducing more synonymous phrases.
Task Achievement
You addressed the topic and provided a clear viewpoint which you maintained throughout discussion. However, more specific examples and further explanation of your thoughts adds depth to your discussion and show clear comprehension of the task.
Lexical Resource
Your vocabulary is varied and you use colloquial language relevant to the topic, try to enrich your vocabulary with more complex words specific to the topic .
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is a good mix of complex and simple sentences, and grammar is largely accurate. Yet, there are occasional awkward phrases and word order. Trace grammatical mistakes and try to avoid them in future essays.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • education
  • young people
  • government
  • money
  • adult population
  • read
  • write
  • development
  • nation
  • improve
  • quality of life
  • investing
  • reduced
  • poverty
  • income inequality
  • funds
  • balancing
  • budget allocation
  • crucial
  • equal access
  • opportunities
  • promoting
  • literacy
  • numeracy
  • positive effects
  • society
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!