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Band 6

Due to the advancements in air travel and telecommunication, global connections have rapidly developed. To what extent do you believe societies gain advantages from the enhanced contact and stronger relationships with individuals from other countries, facilitated by international business and tourism?

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Breakthroughs in air travel and telecommunications during the 20th century resulted in improved connections between continents. To determine if
this
 phenomenon is positive, we should discuss its advantages and disadvantages.
On the other hand
,
people
 have the opportunity to explore the world and learn about foreign
cultures
, traditions, cuisines, etc. Not only does
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 expand your horizons, but watching TV shows about it can
also
 enrich and convey knowledge.
People
 should be tolerant and respectful of multiple
cultures
. Another clear advantage is the connection with the international trade sector, which has
also
 become easier
due to
 the ease of air transportation between different parts of the world.
As a result
,
people
 all over the world consume coffee, bananas, and other once-exotic foods daily.
On the other hand
, citizens of many countries are losing their local
cultures
 in the process of globalization.
This
 is especially evident in developing countries because they cannot support their own
cultures
while
 simultaneously lacking access to Western culture.
As a result
, the most vulnerable representatives, who are often young
people
, absorb foreign values, follow Western lifestyles, and watch Hollywood movies. To some extent,
this
 development reduces the differences between
cultures
 and makes them more similar, thereby reducing their diversity. All in all, considering the pros and cons mentioned above, I strongly believe that the former outweighs the latter. The opportunities provided by globalization are essential for many individuals across the globe. Identifying suitable solutions can help reduce the negative aspects of
this
 phenomenon.
Submitted by y2083749065 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of sentence types.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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