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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

the provided bar chart illustrates how many peoole drinked coffe and bought tea as well as drinking habits in five Australian towns.

the provided bar chart illustrates how many peoole drinked coffe and bought tea as well as drinking habits in five Australian towns.
#bar #peoole #coffe #tea #habits #five #australian #towns
The graph displays the results of
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
 about
coffee
 and
tea
 buying and drinking
habits
 in
five
cities
 of Australia (Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and
Horbart
Correct your spelling
Hobart
) in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
four
weeks
. The data are given by percentage. In general, in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
four
weeks
mostly
Correct your spelling
most of
show examples
 the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of
five
cities
 of Australia went to a cafe or
tea
 shop.
However
,
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 instant
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 is the second
choises
Correct your spelling
choices
choice
 of
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 and
tea
 buying and drinking
habits
, and
furthermor
Correct your spelling
furthermore
, the least activity of drinking
habits
 in the
last
 month is
brought
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 fresh
coffee
 to go. The most common
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
 in
four
 of
five
cities
 of Australia (Sydney,
Melourne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
, Brisbane, and Hobart) in the
last
four
weeks
was went
Change the verb form
was going
show examples
 to
cafe
Add an article
a cafe
the cafe
show examples
 for
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 or
tea
 with more than 55%. Meanwhile, in Adelaide,
bought
Verb problem
apply
show examples
instant
coffee
 is more popular than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 with slightly different with went to cafe
habits
 (only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
% difference) The least
habits
Fix the agreement mistake
habit
show examples
 in all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
five
cities
 is
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 fresh
coffee
 with less than 45% in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
four
weeks
.
Furthermore
, Brisbane has the lowest percentage with only less than 35%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying fresh
coffee
.
Submitted by kucinglab on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, habits, five, cities, four, weeks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
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