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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many socities, there is a growing emphasis on individualism , with people priortizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests.

Working and focusing on a career is an important aspect of every individual's life. Some people put their personal goals over collective interests.
This
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 essay will explain its effects on individuals and on society. People
work
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 consistently and focus on their goals.
To begin
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 with, youngsters
work
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 constantly to build their careers. They
work
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 overtime to fulfil their needs and desires.
For instance
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, if an independent person wants to buy a house, they need to
work
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accordingly
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 to fulfil their dream.
Secondly
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, people like to
work
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 alone because they want to prove their ability to society and earn respect. They like to compete with their coworkers and show them their skills to earn respect.
Moreover
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, it leads to personal gain because after working frequently and fulfilling their own interest, it has positive effects on the company goals and leads to the promotion of a person. Every action has its consequences. First and foremost, companies get reviews on Google because of their best employee. Working alone and performing well benefits the company and helps them to grow their business.
Moreover
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, businesses earn a lot of money in the fiscal year.
For instance
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, if an employee engages at the workplace in the restaurant to provide the best customer service, the general public refers the restaurant to their loved ones.
This
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 is
also
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 called word of mouth.
To conclude
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, I would like to say that hardwork is key to success. Working alone with full determination leads to success because of no distractions and helps to build a bright future.
Moreover
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, it helps the business to grow and helps them to earn more in the fiscal year.

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the given prompt. State the purpose of the essay clearly and maintain a clear focus throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize the essay in a logical and coherent manner, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use appropriate transition words and phrases to connect ideas.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied words to express your ideas. Also, pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions.
Grammatical Range
Improve your grammatical accuracy by reviewing common grammatical structures and avoiding repetitive errors. Vary your sentence structures and use more complex sentence forms.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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