IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #patients #health
In
this
 day and age, it is unreasonable to underestimate the importance of
doctors
 towards other individuals as they play a crucial role in diagnosing and guiding their
patients
 about their
health
 issues. From my point of view, I fairly agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will discuss my own perspective.
To begin
 with, many people tend to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-medication and through taking the advantage of Internet, they would
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
show examples
 do it by themselves rather than
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
doctors
. To be more specific, several individuals think that
doctors
 are too expensive for them to afford so they decide to take care of their
health
 on their own. Since
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 is common and
widenly
Correct your spelling
widely
 used, they could easily search for their symptoms.
For example
, when facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ailments
such
 as fever or cold, they prefer self-treatment by combining with online access.
However
,
while
 self-medication is cheap, sometimes it can be fatal. I personally advocate that it is better to have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guidance and training from
doctors
 who seem to have the valuable knowledge and experience that can empower
patients
 about their
health
. Obviously, by being provided with specialized knowledge and proficiency,
doctors
 could check out the
health
 conditions and propose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
effective descriptions for each
patients
Change to a singular noun
patient
show examples
.
Consequently
, thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worthwhile methods and
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 plans from
doctors
,
patients
 will be able to boost their
health
 effectively. In conclusion,despite the
practicial
Correct your spelling
practical
 of
the-medication
Correct your spelling
the medication
show examples
, the majority of people, including me believe that
doctors
 could be indispensable friends because of
numerous
Correct article usage
the numerous
show examples
 advantages they could give to
patients
.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are missing. It is essential to provide a clear introduction that introduces the topic and your position, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
task achievement
While the main points are supported, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory use of vocabulary. To enhance your lexical resource score, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use more precise and academic terms.
grammatical range
The essay shows some sentence variety and grammatical accuracy. To improve your grammatical range score, make sure to use a variety of sentence structures and check for any grammar errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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