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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that that childhood is the happiest time of your live. To what extent do your agree ?

#people #childhood #time
People
 have different views
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
childhood
, many of them have various
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
unhappiest
Correct article usage
the unhappiest
show examples
 in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
However
, in
this
 case
Add a comma
,
show examples
many
people
 have their own
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
childhood
 happiest in their
lives
,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mental
health
 in the future.
This
 essay will argue that
childhood
 is the happiest time in life. On the one hand,
childhood
 is the one thing that
people
 have in their own
lives
, with various
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
.
That is
 to say, in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
lives
Add a comma
lives,
show examples
 many individuals have different
background family
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds and families
show examples
, it able to
impact
 their mental
health
 in the future. There are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 that have
story
 unhappiest with their
childhood
.
Nevertheless
, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 have
childhood
 happiest
story
Fix the agreement mistake
stories
show examples
 with their family, especially with
parents
.
For example
,
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elementry
Correct your spelling
elementary
 school
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can always get attention from their
parents
 and family in
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
That
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
impact
 for mental
health
 from the
child
.
Also
, It will
also
 have an
impact
 when the
child
 socializes with friends and other
people
 in the social environment.
On the other hand
, other children want to be
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
 in
childhood
, but they can not feel it because of some problems from their family background and that able to
impact
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their mental
health
 in real
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
However
, they are still happy in their own way with the various
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
.
For example
,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 many children are abandoned by their
parents
 which makes the
child
 become a beggar on the side of the road or the
family
Change noun form
family's
show examples
 economic background needless to say
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 has to work to support own self. Even though, they can still smile and have their own way of being happy in their
childhood
. In conclusion,
childhood
 is the happiest for each
child
 and it can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their life in the future, one mistake
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
educate
Replace the word
education
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 mental
health
.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, the important thing of
this
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 because of controlling
parents
 in their
lives
 and
parents
 have all control
for
Change preposition
over
show examples
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 at home.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents some relevant points but lacks coherence and clarity. Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion are present, and provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, but it needs to provide a more comprehensive and clear response with relevant specific examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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