IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh disadvantages. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #risks #lives #risk
Nowadays, many
people
 have
different
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a different
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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
with
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in
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 their
lives
, they can take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in real
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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many
chose
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choices
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 in the future. In my view, if they need to get something more
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 before in their
live
Replace the word
lives
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, they should
be take
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take
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
. The advantages
from
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of
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 the
risks
 it is can make
improvement
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improvements
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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long
lives
 with
knowledge
 and
experience
. One evident benefit
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
knowledge
, when
people
 need to provide new
knowledge
 in their activity, it can help them to solve their
problem
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problems
show examples
, and
also
 it is good to make something different in real
live
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life
show examples
.
While
,
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apply
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 they can learn more about new
knowledge
 from new
people
 in society it can improve
level
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the level
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 of their mindset for making
decision
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decisions
show examples
.
For example
, for
student
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the student
a student
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 when they need to continue their study abroad they can provide
IELTS
Correct article usage
an IELTS
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 certificate.
Although
 they do not have
experience
 with IELTS
but
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apply
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they need that
for
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to
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 study
,
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apply
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 because one of the
point
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points
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
student
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students
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 can get new
knowledge
 with new
teacher
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teachers
show examples
 in
IELTS
Correct article usage
the IELTS
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 program.
On the other hand
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 days many
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
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 take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
 to work hard and get
challenge
Wrong verb form
challenged
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 at
workplace
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the workplace
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, it can be good for their
experience
 when they need to change their job or they can create new
job
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jobs
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 for other
people
 in their environment.
For instance
, nowadays many
entrepreneur
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entrepreneurs
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 make new
collaboration
Replace the word
collaborate
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 with
other entrepreneur
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another entrepreneur
other entrepreneurs
show examples
 from western for sales the
product
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products
show examples
 from their countries, it is good to create
new
Add an article
a new
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 workplace and
also
 help
other individual
Change the wording
another individual
other individuals
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to getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 a new job. In conclusion,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
risks
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days can help improve
knowledge
 and
experience
 in real
lives
also
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
help other
people
 beside them.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
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risks
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be good when they need to move
for
Change preposition
to
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 get more
experience
 and learn from that.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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task response
Please ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and includes an overview of the points you plan to discuss. Also, focus on providing a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, and ensure that your examples are relevant and support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical and coherent manner. Use linking words and transition phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.

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