IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh disadvantages. Provide reasons for your answer. Include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #risks #lives #risk
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Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 have
different
Add an article
a different
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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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with
Change preposition
in
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 their
lives
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, they can take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in real
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lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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many
chose
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choices
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 in the future. In my view, if they need to get something more
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
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 before in their
live
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lives
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, they should
be take
Change the verb form
take
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
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. The advantages
from
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of
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 the
risks
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 it is can make
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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long
lives
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 with
knowledge
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 and
experience
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. One evident benefit
it
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apply
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is
knowledge
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, when
people
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 need to provide new
knowledge
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 in their activity, it can help them to solve their
problem
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problems
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, and
also
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 it is good to make something different in real
live
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life
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.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they can learn more about new
knowledge
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 from new
people
Use synonyms
 in society it can improve
level
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the level
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 of their mindset for making
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
For example
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, for
student
Add an article
the student
a student
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 when they need to continue their study abroad they can provide
IELTS
Correct article usage
an IELTS
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 certificate.
Although
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 they do not have
experience
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 with IELTS
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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they need that
for
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to
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 study
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because one of the
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 can get new
knowledge
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 with new
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in
IELTS
Correct article usage
the IELTS
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 program.
On the other hand
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,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 days many
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
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 take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risks
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 to work hard and get
challenge
Wrong verb form
challenged
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 at
workplace
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the workplace
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, it can be good for their
experience
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 when they need to change their job or they can create new
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 for other
people
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 in their environment.
For instance
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, nowadays many
entrepreneur
Change to a plural noun
entrepreneurs
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 make new
collaboration
Replace the word
collaborate
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 with
other entrepreneur
Change the wording
another entrepreneur
other entrepreneurs
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 from western for sales the
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 from their countries, it is good to create
new
Add an article
a new
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 workplace and
also
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 help
other individual
Change the wording
another individual
other individuals
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to getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 a new job. In conclusion,
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
risks
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 days can help improve
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and
experience
Use synonyms
 in real
lives
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
help other
people
Use synonyms
 beside them.
Take
Wrong verb form
Taking
show examples
risks
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be good when they need to move
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 get more
experience
Use synonyms
 and learn from that.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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task response
Please ensure that your introduction clearly states your position and includes an overview of the points you plan to discuss. Also, focus on providing a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, and ensure that your examples are relevant and support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical and coherent manner. Use linking words and transition phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Additionally, ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points.
What to do next:
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