IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the health quality of the coming generations will be worse than current.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are some
counter-view
Fix the agreement mistake
counter-views
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 point. Both sides and my opinion are declared in
this
Linking Words
 essay. There are two general types of health: physical and mental. Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 tend to have a
sitting
Correct word choice
sedentary
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 lifestyle, spend more than 10 hours per day online,
having
Wrong verb form
and have
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 bad eating habits. Life is more convenient than ever and leaving a comfort zone is a feat.
Linking Words
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
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 mental health is affected by a poor environment,
stress
Use synonyms
, a lack of physical activity and desocialization. A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from psychiatric disorders. With
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 rapid
grow
Replace the word
growth
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 of urbanization and virtual
entertainment
Add a comma
entertainment,
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 it becomes harder to overcome communication barriers and resist
stress
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities have never been
so
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 accessible as now. Nice work conditions, AI and automation leave more free time for
people
Use synonyms
 . Gyms, swimming pools, fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, workout grounds,
Correct word choice
and sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 clubs organized by amateurs can be found in almost every district of any sized city. If you prefer to do sport alone, the amount of homesport phone applications is overlapping. Food deliveries offer a wide range of healthy food if home cooking is unavailable. It is proven that exercise releases
stress
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
increases
Correct word choice
and increases
show examples
 dopamine and life satisfaction.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 the psychology industry rocketed.
People
Use synonyms
 can choose between a professional therapist, online courses and self-help books and videos.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 medicine is developing rapidly. Most of the diseases can be cured. So with
progress
Add a comma
progress,
show examples
 it seems that diseases are no longer a huge problem. Especially when
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 life has increased by 10 years since 1950. To
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 the future seems more positive rather than negative. Today
people
Use synonyms
 have more time and opportunities than ever to be in shape and conscious. It is always about
people
Use synonyms
's
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
 and I clearly. see the trend that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most part of humankind chooses to be healthy.
Finally
Linking Words
, despite the bad environment and a lot of
stress
Use synonyms
, there are a lot of methods to resist it. Including trends for exercising,
psychology
Replace the word
psychological
show examples
 treatment and developing the medicine industry.
Submitted by iundtgleb on

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly state your position on the statement in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Provide a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion that summarize your arguments.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to enhance your writing.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors and improve fluency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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