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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationship.To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationship
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In today's society, there is a controversial discussion about whether new advanced technology affects negatively resident's relationships. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement as innovation benefits humans in some aspects of social interaction.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 controversion. In light of the proliferation of technology,
people
 tend to connect with others more easily rather than in the past
due to
 numerous innovative programs. Online platforms generate convenient and affordable places where
people
 can meet online on every occasion.
For example
, during the COVID-19 pandemic, citizens were restricted from going outside their residences,
consequently
, platforms like Facebook or Instagram have become profitable to
people
 for connecting with the community and keeping their relationships with acquaintances. Another factor worth considering, the innovative invention allows
people
 who seem to be introverted person interact with new society via the internet, leading to having more connections in various career industries.
For instance
, Zooms is an online meeting place encouraging citizens to generate groups to hang up with others for working or entertaining purposes.
As a result
, those relationships can prosper individual career paths or even improve their well-being in terms of entertainment and relaxation. In conclusion, it is obvious that modern technology offers an effective approach to humanity for maintaining and creating interaction among residents around the world.
Therefore
,utilizing it in a proper way tends to immerse advantages to
people
 in unexpected perspectives.
Submitted by saiparnwc on

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task achievement
Consider refining your introduction to clearly state your main points which will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each sentence clearly supports this idea. This will make your points even more coherent and cohesive.
task achievement
Watch for small grammatical errors and wording. For example, 'controversion' is not commonly used in English. 'Controversy' would fit better.
task achievement
Instead of 'hang up with others', it could be 'interact with others' or 'hang out with others'. Small language tweaks like this will make your essay clearer and more natural.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples such as the usage of online platforms during COVID-19.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively maintains logical flow, allowing the reader to follow your argument easily.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand the scope and summary of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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