Reading story books is better for children than watching television or playing computer games. Do you agree or disagree?

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Currently, people have different views as to whether watching
television
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or playing computer
games
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is worse for young people than reading story
books
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.
This
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essay will express the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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situation. On the one hand, Reading
books
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is the best activity in a parent's opinion,
while
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reading too much will lack real experience if they do not practise.
This
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is because reading only is not the best way to learn.
For example
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, some
children
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like to read
books
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when they are young, but when they grow up ,they are not successful individuals.
On the other hand
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, playing computer
games
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can assist
children
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in practising in virtual situations, but it can be used in the real world.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that
children
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can resolve problems in the future.
For instance
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, some young people like to play
games
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such
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as puzzle sudoku or crossword, but they can be used for their studying.
Moreover
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, watching
television
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is important media, and it has interesting content
such
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as animations, music shows, discovery or history channels.
This
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is because
television
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can choose to watch and it is easy to access.
For instance
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, when
children
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watch cartoons about knowledge, they can enjoy and learn together.
As a result
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, watching
television
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or playing computer
games
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can create educational value
as well as
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reading
books
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. In conclusion, in my opinion, I disagree with
this
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topic because
children
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can receive many benefits from every activity if they notice good things in what they do. It does not always come from reading story
books
Use synonyms
.

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Structure
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, reflecting on the topic well. However, further refining your argument structure can make your points more compelling.
Content
Including more specific examples to support your arguments can strengthen your essay. Consider integrating real-life scenarios or research findings to add depth.
Coherence
For better coherence, make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
Language
Diversify your language by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Analysis
You've successfully discussed both sides of the topic, showing an understanding of the argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the essay's main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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