IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Reading story books is better for children than watching television or playing computer games. Do you agree or disagree?

Currently, people have different views as to whether watching
television
Use synonyms
 or playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 is worse for young people than reading story
books
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will express the benefits and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 situation. On the one hand, Reading
books
Use synonyms
 is the best activity in a parent's opinion,
while
Linking Words
 reading too much will lack real experience if they do not practise.
This
Linking Words
 is because reading only is not the best way to learn.
For example
Linking Words
, some
children
Use synonyms
 like to read
books
Use synonyms
 when they are young, but when they grow up ,they are not successful individuals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 can assist
children
Use synonyms
 in practising in virtual situations, but it can be used in the real world.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
children
Use synonyms
 can resolve problems in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, some young people like to play
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as puzzle sudoku or crossword, but they can be used for their studying.
Moreover
Linking Words
, watching
television
Use synonyms
 is important media, and it has interesting content
such
Linking Words
 as animations, music shows, discovery or history channels.
This
Linking Words
 is because
television
Use synonyms
 can choose to watch and it is easy to access.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 watch cartoons about knowledge, they can enjoy and learn together.
As a result
Linking Words
, watching
television
Use synonyms
 or playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 can create educational value
as well as
Linking Words
 reading
books
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in my opinion, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 topic because
children
Use synonyms
 can receive many benefits from every activity if they notice good things in what they do. It does not always come from reading story
books
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, reflecting on the topic well. However, further refining your argument structure can make your points more compelling.
Content
Including more specific examples to support your arguments can strengthen your essay. Consider integrating real-life scenarios or research findings to add depth.
Coherence
For better coherence, make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
Language
Diversify your language by incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Analysis
You've successfully discussed both sides of the topic, showing an understanding of the argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the essay's main points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: