IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people say that advertisemthat encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpount do you agree with ?

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The importance of advertisement is always debatable but the growing influence of
this
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 trend has sparked ongoing discussion. Nowadays it has become more controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial
while
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 others reject
this
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 notion. In my opinion, the argument in favour of the former perspective seems more logical.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate my views for supporting the negative impact of
this
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 trend, ultimately leading to a well-reasoned conclusion. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
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, the first and foremost reason behind
this
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 is that
Advertisements
Use synonyms
 lure customers with attractive offers and mislead them by only explaining the positive features of the product.
For instance
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, protein powder displays only the benefits but does not let you know who can take it, the quantity and when. Another striking benefit in
this
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 regard is that it urges us to buy unnecessary things. Sometimes we buy those things which we don’t want to use. Probing ahead, one of the main underlying reasons stems from the fact that it adds a burden to our budget sometimes.
For example
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, in
advertisements
Use synonyms
 related to toys, children impel their parents to buy prohibitively expensive products.
However
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, no doubt
advertisements
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 keep us up to date. These days we have a variety of products for all items. It is beneficial to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
compare and choose the right one. In conclusion, I would like to assert that no matter
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are informative for people.
However
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, advertisement adds to the financial burden on people especially when they splurge on things which are not required by them.

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task achievement
The introduction presents the topic appropriately and clearly states your opinion. However, it would be enhanced by briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you thoroughly explore both sides of the argument to provide a more balanced discussion, even if you prefer one viewpoint.
task achievement
While your points are clear, some require additional development to provide comprehensive support. For instance, elaborate on how financial burdens caused by advertisements relate to broader economic issues.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect the flow of the essay. Reviewing the sentence structure can enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help improve the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear view and maintains a consistent stance throughout, which is commendable.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples that support your main points, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your arguments, which is a strong aspect of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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