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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Juvenile deliquency is on rise today. in our modern times , more and more adolescents are commiting crime. what are the possible reasons? is there any solution to this problem?

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In our modern-day society, increasing adolescent
crime
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 has become a severe social problem that needs to be tackled. Some
people
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 might say that many sectors in our society are responsible for
this
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 undesirable phenomenon.
Then
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, what might be the reasonable approaches to
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
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 with these young offenders? What contributes most to the rise in teenage
crime
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 must be modern distractions. With the help of widespread online technologies, children and teenagers
get
Verb problem
are
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 exposed to sensational and immoral content indiscriminately.
For instance
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, on social media, not only can they quickly find out how to buy drugs but
also
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 how to deceive others through online fishing and make money out of it.
Secondly
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, lack of discipline in school is
also
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 partially accountable for driving youngsters towards
crime
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. Compared to the past, far fewer punishments are now performed in schools, thereby losing an effective deterrent in preventing students from future wrongdoing.
On the other hand
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, there are several arguments over how young criminals should be treated. Some
people
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 might say they need harsher and stricter punishments regardless of age,
such
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 as sentencing them to several years in jail,
while
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 others focus on rehabilitation to give them a second chance.
Nevertheless
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, most
people
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 agree about how responsible organizations, like schools, need to treat these young offenders when they return to society after having done their time. First and foremost, parents and teachers must pay more attention to adolescents' Internet use to not let them get misled by online crimes.
In addition
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, they need to be instructed in the legal responsibilities at schools. If adolescent offenders isolated in juvenile correction facilities had been taught what results would have come after committing the crimes, they would not have made
such
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 bad decisions on impulse.
To sum up
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, young
people
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 are overwhelmed by various Internet content enticing them to commit crimes.
Therefore
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, the importance of proper parenting and education regarding ethics and morals cannot be overestimated in preventing youth
crime
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.

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Cohesion
You have generally structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and focused development of that point.
Task Achievement
The task response is fair; however, you need to develop your points further and provide more specific evidence or examples to support your arguments regarding the causes and solutions of juvenile delinquency.
Coherence
Be careful with topic development; make sure that relevant ideas and examples are consistently aligned with the main topic without diverging into less relevant details.
Lexical Resource
Utilize a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely; especially in the context of crime and prevention, key terms should be employed accurately.
Grammatical Range
Work on your grammatical range by incorporating a variety of complex sentence structures and ensuring correct tense usage and subject-verb agreement throughout your writing.
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