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Band 5

Some educationist think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers at school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#educationist #exchange #visit #benefit #teenagers #school
Travelling and learning about a new place, culture,
standard
Correct word choice
and standard
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 of living of different people from various countries from a very young
age
 would help children have better growth and development. International visits to different countries and exploring places with friends and teachers would have both advantages and disadvantages to the teenagers at school. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it has more benefits compared to the drawbacks. 
Firstly
, talking about the advantages that would help a youngster
while
 travelling to multiple nations.
A teenager
Correct article usage
Teenager
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 visiting new places from a very young
age
built
Wrong verb form
build
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 up various habits
such
 as
self independence
Add a hyphen
self-independence
show examples
 from a small
age
, improves their thinking ability
looking
Change preposition
by looking
show examples
 around the world
knowing
Correct word choice
and knowing
show examples
 about people's idea.
For example
, an individual living with parents and being pampered for everything he requires, when sent away from them realizes the basic needs and requirements of people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
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 up his personality and changes
the
Change the word
his
show examples
 way of thinking
such
 as things being provided to them might be a luxury for others.
In contrast
 to the benefits, let's discuss the downside of international exchange from a
younge
Correct your spelling
young
younger
age
.Giving away
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
freedom to children would make them
oversmart
Correct your spelling
over smart
over-smart
 leading to
cultivation
Add an article
the cultivation
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 of bad habits. The culture of developed countries is
way
Rephrase
very
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 different from what we teach our children and follow. Getting adapted to
such
 things would
therefore
 lead to distraction from education.
For instance
, a topper of class good at studies and mainly
goal focused
Add a hyphen
goal-focused
show examples
 when sent out will know the other side of the world and try to get involved in the things which aren't even suitable for him.
Therefore
 causing a distraction to the education.
To conclude
,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 do outweigh the disadvantages when an international exchange is made for teenagers from schools.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure you develop a logical argument throughout the essay, providing clear transitions and explanations between points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful with a stronger thesis statement and a more decisive concluding remark.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to support your main points with more detailed examples, statistics, or expert opinions to strengthen the arguments.
task achievement
You have conveyed a general response to the task, but the essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of how the advantages specifically outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
While clear, your ideas could be expanded upon with more comprehensive details to fully address the nuances of the prompt.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to back your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educationists
  • international exchange visit
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • outweigh
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • school
  • cultural exchange
  • exposure
  • language skills
  • worldview
  • global awareness
  • empathy
  • tolerance
  • academic growth
  • career opportunities
  • homesickness
  • adjustment issues
  • safety concerns
  • financial burden
  • impact
  • academic performance
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