IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #communication #effects #skills
It is thought by a selection of individuals that an uprising of technology
such
 as computers and smartphones in communication offers plenty of drawbacks to the new generations
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both reading and writing
skills
. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with
this
 notion and my supportive reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion. At the outset, there are several positive effects of using new technologies and one of the most significant is that it enhances young people' reading
skills
. To explain in greater detail, a lot of articles, novels, academic research, etc are available on the Internet, awaiting students to delve.
Furthermore
, plenty of them are well-written and well-organised, easy to read and comprehend and
therefore
 students can quickly improve their skimming and scanning
skills
 for details or reading speed. An apt illustration of
this
 is that my younger brother needed to prepare himself for
IETLS
Correct article usage
the IETLS
show examples
 examination and he read a lot of articles and academic research.
As a result
, he found that his reading speed was faster and grasped
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main idea of each topic
easier
Correct word choice
more easily
show examples
 compared to the previous years.
Additionally
, another clear upside of using new technologies is that it obviously improves writing
skills
. To elaborate
further
, minors can be able to sharpen their writing because authors have different styles, making teenagers choose freely which ones suit them the most.
Moreover
, there are a variety of tenses, words and vocabulary are used
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
thus
 allowing the younger generations to adapt and apply them to their writing. To specifically demonstrate, my younger brother tried to read a lot of essays as it helped him to generate and develop ideas for
IELTS
Correct article usage
the IELTS
show examples
 writing part.
As a result
, he told me that when he did the exam, he chose the pattern from other essays which was easy for him to follow and he had plenty of
vocabularies
Fix the agreement mistake
vocabulary
show examples
 to talk about in that topic.
At the end
 of the day, some individuals believe that new technologies
such
 as computers and smartphones contribute downsides to our young generations. From my point of view, I disagree with
this
 idea as they can help them enhance their reading and writing
skills
, helping them read faster and clearer and understand productive and effective writing patterns.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured and you have clearly presented your stance on the issue. However, work on making the transition between points smoother to enhance readability.
task achievement
To further improve, consider developing each point more thoroughly. While your examples are relevant, they can be expanded to provide deeper insight.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your main arguments.
task achievement
The essay has clear and comprehensive ideas with relevant examples, making your argument convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: