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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts show the average levels of participation and the highest education level of adults from 2000 to 2010 in Singapore.

The charts show the average levels of participation and the highest education level of adults from 2000 to 2010 in Singapore.
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The bar graph illustrates
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average number of
years
Use synonyms
 spent at school between
adult
Use synonyms
 males and
females
Use synonyms
 in Singapore from 2000 to 2010,
while
Linking Words
 the pie chart provides
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
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 about the highest
education
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 of adults over the period given.
Overall
Linking Words
,
adult
Use synonyms
 males
was
Change the verb form
were
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 higher than
females
Use synonyms
 in average levels of participation in
education
Use synonyms
, and the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
education
Change preposition
of education
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level
Use synonyms
 was in
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
qualification
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and
master
Change noun form
master's
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qualification
Use synonyms
 in 2010. With regards to the bar graph, in 2000,
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 average number of
adult
Use synonyms
 males was higher than
adult
Use synonyms
females
Use synonyms
 approximately 9
years
Use synonyms
. There was a slight increase in 2010 at about 11.5
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the average number of
adult
Use synonyms
females
Use synonyms
 was 8
years
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and 2002.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it was slightly increased in 2010 at 8.5% Regarding the pie chart, in 2000, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
education
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 was in
highschool
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
qualification
Use synonyms
 at 32.13%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the secondary school
qualification
Use synonyms
 was at 26.3%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
qualification
Use synonyms
 and university
qualification
Use synonyms
 were in the lowest
Use synonyms
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
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 at just 7.5 and 8.3% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 a significant change in the highest
education
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 of adults in 2010. The highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in the university
qualification
Use synonyms
 at 32.93%, and the master
qualification
Use synonyms
 was slightly different at 30.31%. The lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was in primary
qualification
Use synonyms
 at just 2.1%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years, adult, females, education, level, percentage, qualification with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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