IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

IN BRITAIN, WHEN SOME ONE GETS OLD THEY OFTEN FO TO LIVE WITH OTHER OLDER PEOPLE WHERE THERE ARE NURSES TO LOOK AFTER THEM. SOMETIMES, GOVERNMENT HAS TO PAY FOR THEIR STAY. WHO DO YOU THINK SHOULD PAY FOR THIS CARE , GOVERNMENT OR FAMILY?

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Old
people
Use synonyms
 need both friends with a chat and care, it is a fact that they are in difficulties
while
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 they make their own requirements in their houses. At
this
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 point, they require an accommodation with doctors, nurses and other consultants which makes the services much more comprehensive.
Moreover
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, I think country governments are obliged to take the initiative and introduce some additional suggestions and recommendations taken by various communities.
This
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 article will demonstrate how to government helps older
people
Use synonyms
 and their families and explore additional suggestions and recommendations taken by various communities.
To begin
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 with,
as a result
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 of getting old, so many things change in our body, our cells become old and
this
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 condition affects our organs. Organs can repair themselves but when we get old
this
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 process is slower than we are at young ages.
As a result
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 of
this
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, older
people
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’s care costs become much higher and a lot of
people
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 who have not got enough money cannot afford
this
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. In order to be protected from
this
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 situation, which now seriously threatens poor
people
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, it is essential to impose additional help, especially in Britain.
In addition
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, the biggest responsibility falls on governments, they will have to help these
people
Use synonyms
 without taking any money and look after them in good conditions.
In other words
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, the government show itself behind older
people
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 and supports them in their lives. Many countries take extra measures for their community,
such
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 as Japan sending older
people
Use synonyms
 to different countries and paying the whole budget for them. Understanding the emotions of humans will provide numerous positive effects in another part of the system. In conclusion, older
people
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 design the systems which we use today, they give their full energy to make a better world. When they need help, we should
also
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 be there. As the situation becomes more difficult with each passing day, it is our responsibility for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations to consider old
people
Use synonyms
 as the first priority.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt. It discusses the responsibility of the government in caring for older people, but it does not consider the role of family in this care. It is important to address both sides of the argument to fully respond to the task.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The logical structure is somewhat unclear as the essay jumps between different points without a clear progression. Additionally, the use of examples and explanations could be more coherent to support the main ideas.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary and uses a mix of simple and complex language. However, there is a lack of precision in the use of vocabulary which affects the clarity and coherence of the essay.
grammatical range
The essay contains a number of grammatical errors including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. There is also inconsistency in the use of articles and prepositions. A more varied and accurate use of grammar structures would enhance the clarity of the essay.
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