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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Effective study requires time, comfort and peace. it is impossible to combine learning with employment because one may distract the other. To what extent do you think the statements are realistic? Give your opinion with examples.

#study #time #comfort #peace #employment #statements
The impact of distraction has sparked major controversy in society.
While
 some people believe that effective studying is impossible to combine learning with
employment
, others claim that the opposite holds true.
This
 essay will elaborate on both sides of the debate and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion.
Firstly
, there are numerous reasons why effective studying is impossible to combine learning with
employment
, but the most crucial one stems from the fact that time, peace and effort will play a vital role in effective study. As a matter of fact, learning by doing will offer tons of benefits to many students.
According to
 a recent study conducted by reputable researchers at Sydney University, working experience and practical knowledge will greatly contribute to job opportunities.
Nevertheless
, some people adopt the opposite view and tend to believe that the opposite holds true. It is largely attributed to the fact that work-study balance may have negative impacts on health and mental well-being. To be more precise, the disadvantages of combining learning with
employment
 might be
due to
 distractions.
For instance
, the downsides of bad and good grades are critical. In conclusion,
while
 there are strong arguments on both sides of the debate, I strongly believe that effective study is impossible to combine learning with
employment
.
Submitted by Klein_shy on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clearly stated and developed. The essay would benefit from a stronger logical structure and better supported main points.
task achievement
The response gives a clear and comprehensive idea but the examples provided could be more relevant to the topic. The task is overall well achieved.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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