IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think they have right to use as much freshwater as they want. Others believe governments should tightly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource. Discuss both views and give your option

#people #right #governments #control #water #resource #option
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Opinions are divided when it comes to the freedom to use freshwater by people. Many individuals believe they can assert the
right
 of generous usage of freshwater, yet others argue that
governments
 should impose strict control on using freshwater.
This
 essay will expound
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 perspectives, but as far
am
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 my opinion goes,
governments
 should impose some restrictions as freshwater is a limited resource. On the one hand,
access
 to
freshwater
Correct your spelling
fresh water
show examples
 is recognized as a human
right
.
This
 means that all the countries who have formally supported the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights must ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access
 to safe water.
Therefore
,
governments
 are obliged to ensure that individuals can enjoy their
right
 to
access
 freshwater to meet fundamental needs, in terms of drinking, cooking, cleaning, bathing, and sanitation. If
governments
 restrict safe
water’s
Change noun form
water
show examples
access
,
then
 the act constitutes a violation of the human
right
 to
access
freshwater
Correct your spelling
fresh water
show examples
.
On the other hand
, freshwater is a decidedly limited resource, and
thus
 the usage of freshwater should be controlled tightly by
governments
. The planet’s hydrological cycle has been disrupted causing low rainfall
due to
 climate change-induced disruptions. In turn, the source of freshwater is shrinking day by day.
Apart from
this
, the demand for freshwater is increasing with the explosion of population and economic and industrial activities as well.
Consequently
, many express their grave concern about the scarcity of freshwater.
According to
 the United Nations’ estimation, more than two-thirds of the world’s population will reside in water-stressed regions in the upcoming years.
Therefore
,
governments
 have a rational justification for introducing tight policies in freshwater management. In conclusion, both views of the discussion have merits. In my opinion,
however
,
governments
 should adopt a strict policy to make sure no one
waste
Change the verb form
wastes
show examples
 freshwater as the overuse of water can threaten the survival of our earth.
Submitted by hopercyhp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure a more balanced discussion of both perspectives, and clearly state your personal opinion in the introduction and conclusion sections.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words to improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
lexical resource
You demonstrate a good range of vocabulary, but try to incorporate more formal and sophisticated language to elevate the lexical resource.
grammatical range
Your use of complex sentence structures and grammatical forms is commendable. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage to enhance grammatical range.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: