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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Students leave high school without learning the way how to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

#students #school #money
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Nowadays most school principals concentrate on educating subjects like science, physics, math and biology. They neglect the importance of other lessons like social science or economics,
while
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, these are necessary for their adult lives. They may be able to excel without knowing about molecules or atoms, but without knowing how to manage their salary, they will never become successful. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the causes and the possible solutions for
this
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 matter. At
first,
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I believe in the past decades there has been an increasing focus on objective science.
This
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 can be
due to
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 the Industrial Revolution and the improvements in technology.
This
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 alteration made authorities overlook the vitality of some abstract knowledge.
In addition
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 to
this
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, so many parents are persuaded that if their children are qualified in chemistry, mathematics and other analogous sciences, they will prosper and reach the summit of success, and they underestimate the magnitude of some casual but crucial skills like balancing your budget and making money. I assume by adding economics to the curriculum of the schools and universities, we can boost their level in these areas.
Additionally
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, we should give the same value to these concepts as the practical ones. Media can play an important role on
this
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 occasion, by making videos, posters, infographics and other appealing content, they can increase students’ awareness, and even make them enthusiastic. to put it in a nutshell, I think
this
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 problem stems from many historical, political and social backgrounds and the apathy of teachers and other authorities. Hopefully,
this
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 challenge has some solutions, and by gathering different aids, we can make some improvements gradually.
Submitted by mehrasa.elahian on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure is well-maintained with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas are well-supported throughout the essay, showing a good coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response provides a complete and comprehensive answer to the question, addressing both the causes and solutions of the issue. The ideas are clear and relevant, and the essay is well-supported with specific examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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