Shopping has developed from a necessary activity to a kind of entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
say that shopping has become an entertainment rather than a necessity. I agree with that statement due to
a huge waste of money in that area from Western societies.
Many people
waste a lot of money from buying things that they do not need to. This
is because they want to impress others by showing their status. Many individuals think that buying something expensive, such
as a new phone or clothes from a luxury brand shows other people
how rich they are. This
development leads people
to buy new stuff with a larger perspective and with a higher desire. For instance
, the research provided by the National American University claims that one-third of residents’ expenditures are devoted to shopping.
Furthermore
, in a capitalist world, society has a symptom of overconsumption. In a world where people
are encouraged to spend their money buying new things, no one considers shopping as a necessary part of life. Nowadays, due to
TV and social media trends, the population wants to rechange their clothes even if they are in good shape and still can be used. This
is because citizens want to be on the same track as modern society and follow new fashion trends, and whenever the old one ends, people
run to buy new stuff. For example
, each year when the Apple company releases a new iPhone, hundreds of individuals are going to purchase this
product and replace the old one.
In conclusion, in the era of proving status and overconsumption, an increasing number of residents consider shopping a crucial part of their lives only for depicting their wealth or catching up with trends.Submitted by filwayy on
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task response
In future essays, ensure that you fully address the prompt by providing a balanced response and covering all aspects of the question. Provide a clear thesis statement and ensure your ideas are well-supported with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger frame for the essay. Ensure that the essay is well-organized with clear topic sentences and supporting details for each main point.
lexical resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more precise and accurate expressions. Use a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic and aim for more formal and academic language. Additionally, ensure that the choices of words and phrases enhance the overall quality of the essay.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good command of complex structures and a range of sentence types. However, there are instances of awkward or inaccurate phrasing that affect the clarity and fluency of the writing. Focus on sentence structure, accuracy, and punctuation for improved grammatical range.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite