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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Although
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 some undergraduate
students
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 prefer to study additional
courses
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in addition
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 to their main subjects, others believe that they should focus entirely on their main
studies
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. When
students
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 apply for jobs, additional
courses
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 can help improve their chances of being selected.
However
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, I believe that taking too many extra
courses
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 can negatively affect their final GPA. On the one hand,
while
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students
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 are studying at
university
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, their main goal is to achieve a high final GPA. If
students
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 take additional
courses
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, it may negatively affect their academic performance.
Furthermore
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, they may not be able to concentrate fully on their
studies
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, which are the most important part of
university
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 life.
For example
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, one of my
university
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 friends took many additional
courses
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 during his
studies
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.
As a result
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, he could not apply for a master’s degree in Australia because his GPA was lower than the required level.
On the other hand
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, nowadays, competition in the job market has increased significantly because people’s education levels are rising, allowing them to apply for a wide range of jobs. If undergraduate
students
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 study additional subjects, it can be a positive factor in job interviews.
Therefore
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, they can improve their future career opportunities by taking extra
courses
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.
For instance
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, MAS, one of the largest apparel companies in Sri Lanka, visited our
university
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 and looked for
students
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 who had completed extra subjects
such
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 as computer graphics and computer vision. In conclusion,
although
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students
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 can gain benefits from completing additional
courses
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, they may sometimes be unable to focus on their main
studies
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.
Therefore
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, they should remember what their main priority is.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but the first side has more force than the other side.
task response
Give one more clear idea for each side. This will make your answer feel more complete.
task response
Your examples help, but they feel a bit personal or narrow. Add more general support too.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some parts repeat the same pattern, so the flow can feel simple.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point lead more clearly to the next sentence. This will make the line of thought stronger.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your main idea is easy to follow in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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