IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some argue that music mainly serves as a way for individuals to reduce their stress and anxiety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #music #individuals #stress #anxiety
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Many
people
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 believe that the ultimate purpose of
music
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 is to improve their mental well-being.
While
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 I agree with
this
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 statement, I believe that the benefits of
music
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 are multifaceted.
This
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 essay will present my viewpoint
along with
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 pertinent data. On the one hand, I believe that
music
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 helps
people
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 to lower their stress and anxiety.
This
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 is to say that
music
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 is one of the popular leisure activities among many of us and we would like to unwind from the stresses of everyday lives by listening to our favourite
music
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 as it is considered to be the ultimate way to relaxation.
In addition
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,
while
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 listening to
music
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 it calms your mind and body which in turn lowers your nervousness.
For instance
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, these days many healthcare centres are using
music
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 as their vital therapy sessions in order to improve their patient's
overall
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 health.
On the other hand
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, I believe that it plays a vital role in learning and development.
In other words
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, learning
music
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 develops the ability to grasp new languages and improve communication skills.
Furthermore
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, it has been proved that it helps
people
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 improve their pattern recognition skills and teaches kids discipline.
For example
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, the government in Western countries are focusing on inculcating mandatory
music
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 classes for children considering its significance.
To conclude
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,
although
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music
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 serves as a way to reduce stress and anxiety, it has ample benefits in terms of the cognitive and intellectual development of
people
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. We should not limit the purpose confining to health and everyone must enjoy the enormous benefits of
music
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.
Submitted by jeeanay on

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Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the question to fully cover the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with a well-developed introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and maintains coherence throughout.
Lexical Resource
The essay displays a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of words and phrases effectively. Work on incorporating more advanced vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
There is evidence of a good range of complex structures and accurate use of grammar. However, be cautious of minor errors in punctuation and sentence structure.
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