In many country average weight of the people increasing and fitness levels are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of problems and what measures could be taken solve them?

In our world, there are a lot of good things . these
thins
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
affect our lives . health is one of these things
.some
Correct your spelling
Some
cotizin
Correct your spelling
scientists
believe that
Correct article usage
the amunt
show examples
amunt
Correct your spelling
amount
of weight
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the body should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decline ,
while
it is
iusses
Correct your spelling
important
for others.
this
essay agrees that
lasee
Correct your spelling
losing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight is beneficial .
Submitted by mhmdkhlwd98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay lacks a clear position on the topic, and the response is not well developed. Make sure to clearly state your position and support it with relevant arguments and examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs improvement. The introduction and conclusion are not well presented, and the main points lack clear organization. Work on organizing your ideas logically and use linking words to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is limited, and there are issues with word choice and accuracy. Expand your vocabulary and make sure to use words and expressions appropriately to convey your ideas clearly.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors in the essay, including issues with verb forms, word order, and sentence structure. Review grammar rules and practice constructing grammatically correct sentences to improve your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: