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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, most consumables contain processed
sugar
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 and
as a result
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 consumption is the biggest reason for many health-related issues.
Therefore
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 some believe that sugary food and drinks should be priced high in order to control
sugar
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 consumption. Even,though I agree that
sugar
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products
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 are unhealthy, I firmly disagree that emphasising only the
price
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 alone on processed
sugar
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 items does not help to mitigate people buying sweet
products
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why other factors
also
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 should be considered in order to demotivate customers from buying
such
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products
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.
To begin
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 with, consuming processed
sugar
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 in high dosages can cause many individuals to gain long-term incurable diseases
such
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 as diabetes, cancer, insulin resistance, infertility, vision problems and many more. As an example, a study proved that many manufactured and imported
products
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 available in the Sri Lankan market contain high levels of
sugar
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 .
As a result
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 , recent research showed that
,
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apply
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 Sri Lanka has the highest number of diabetes patients among the other South Asian countries.
On the other hand
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, the product pricing should be fair for all the buyers irrespective of the customer spending power.
However
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, the rich man will still end up buying
sugar
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products
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 even though the
price
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 is high.
For example
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, cornflakes are a popular breakfast option in many countries, but irrespective of the
price
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 still people end up having cornflakes as an easy option for morning meals. In my opinion, apart from the pricing factor, there can be another form of
ways
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way
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 to discourage customers from buying high-
sugar
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products
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.
For instance
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, educating the public on the adverse long-term effects of
sugar
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 through media would help consumers to reduce their
sugar
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 intake. In a nutshell, even though
price
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 control on
sugar
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products
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 should not be the only factor to consider to demotivate the public from purchasing unhealthy
products
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. In conclusion, in today's world, most individuals suffer from diabetes or obesity
due to
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 consuming high dosages of
sugar
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 which I
agreewith
Correct your spelling
agree with
.
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However
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However,
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 I believe pricing does not affect consumers' purchasing choice of unhealthy foods.
Sugar
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 is the main ingredient for some foods and drinks but proper knowledge of the public can help people replace sweets will help to control
sugar
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 intake in an individual.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the main argument and avoid going off-topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear statement of position and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
Work on using a variety of complex sentence structures and ensure accurate use of grammar.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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