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Band 6

Some people spend a lot of money on weddings. Why do they do this? Do you think it is good to spend a lot of money on weddings?

#people #money #weddings
Some
people
 in
this
 modern society tend to arrange a big party for their wedding. It might be because of their pride in society or they are influenced by a famous person or their
friends
. In my view, rather than employing their
money
 for it, they can add it to their after-marriage savings. Social media is becoming a huge network that connects
people
 around the world. Since
people
 usually update their lives on it, their followers know what happened to them, including their wedding day. Some
people
 want to impress their
friends
 with a glamorous wedding ceremony because they think it is one of their pride and show their
friends
 that they have a lot of
money
.
For instance
, a couple who live in Jakarta organised their wedding in Bali because they saw their friend had had a luxurious party in Bali and updated it on social media. Personally,
instead
 of spending
money
 for several days' ceremony only, which is not too much worth it, I prefer to save it for future family needs
such
 as renting a home, buying appliances, or for children's savings. One of my
friends
 had their wedding at the Office of Religious Affairs, which is free in Indonesia, with a little celebration at their home. She wants to press their wedding budget and use the
money
 for leasing a home. As a part of civilization, some
people
 want to show their existence,
for example
,
organising
Change preposition
by organising
show examples
 a huge wedding ceremony which needs a lot of
money
. But, rather than that, we can utilise our
money
 for our other goods.
Submitted by iftitakhulzakiyah on

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task response
Ensure that the essay clearly responds to the prompt and addresses all aspects of the task. Provide a more comprehensive response to the question, including a balanced evaluation of the benefits and drawbacks of spending a lot of money on weddings.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by using more cohesive devices to connect ideas and paragraphs. Develop a stronger introduction and conclusion that effectively introduce and summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used, particularly by incorporating more formal and academic language. Consider using synonyms and idiomatic expressions to enhance lexical variety and precision.
grammatical range
Enhance the grammatical range by demonstrating more complex sentence structures, varied verb forms, and accurate use of punctuation. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles in English sentences.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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