IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about it

#people #neighbours #cities
Media
 outlets are well-known for promoting young size zero models as a perfect image for
women
 to aspire to. The issue has resulted in females turning to extreme measures to lose
weight
 yet can be alleviated by authorities ensuring the
media
 promote a diverse range of
women
 on their platforms The main problem is that
women
 feel pressure to conform to the
media
's perception of being thin. It must be recognised that they go to the extreme to cut
weight
 by exercising without adequate nutrition or starving themselves to look like the images portrayed by the
media
.
Consequently
,
women
 overexert their physical and mental limits,
thus
 becoming sick. The UK is a relatable example, where medical professionals have reported a record number of bulimia cases ; most are linked with young teenagers wanting to look like their idols.
However
, action can be taken to ensure
media
 companies diversify their coverage of
women
. The most effective approach is for authorities to force
media
 companies to employ or broadcast
women
 of differing appearances. Diversity is covered by ethical laws in any other field of work ;
hence
, the
media
 should not be treated differently.
As a result
,
women
 can identify with a broad range of appearances, making them feel secure within their own bodies.
Additionally
,
media
 companies should address
weight
 issues on their platforms to
further
 enhance the understanding of
this
 issue.
Therefore
,
women
 taking drastic measures to lose
weight
 is the biggest problem stemming from the
media
's portrayal of
women
.
Nevertheless
, forcing
media
 corporations to be ethical and address
weight
 issues will go a long way to stop
women
 from feeling pressured into becoming thin

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task response
Ensure to address the 'problems' and 'solutions' aspects of the topic effectively, providing clear examples and supporting details for both.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical organization in each paragraph to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
Consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to add depth and variety to the essay.
grammatical range
Work on varying sentence structures and using complex grammatical forms to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical control.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
What to do next:
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