Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In
this
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present day,
smartphones
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are one of the most essential stuffs in daily life. The users of
smartphones
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vary from youngsters to older generation,
however
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, there Is
also
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a group of smartphone holders coming from ages 5 to 12. I strongly believe it is a negative thing to let children have their
smartphones
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with them for more than 10 hours a day. Analysing the effect of a short attention span caused by too much screen
time
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and uncontrollable
content
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that can be watched on a smartphone will prove
this
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.
To begin
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with, letting children spend more than 10 hours on their
smartphones
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a day will cause them to have short attention spans.
For instance
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, watching too many TikTok videos, which mostly are under three minutes long, affects children’s memory, allowing them to have short-term memory loss syndrome.
While
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the adverse effects are obvious, most parents are not ready to limit their children’s screen
time
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.
It is clear that
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spending long hours on
smartphones
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has a negative effect on children’s intelligence.
On the other hand
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, giving access to
kids
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to freely spend their
time
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on
gadgets
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without accompanying them can lead to uncontrollable
content
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. Speaking of which, many
kids
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watch
content
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that is
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not suitable for their age. There are
also
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times that they play a game, or so they thought it was a game, but turns out to be a game from a gambling site,
for example
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.
Hence
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, the absence of the parents brings a fundamental issue on the uncontrollable contents that are enjoyed by the
kids
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.
Therefore
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, it is certain that spending too much
time
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on
gadgets
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leads to more adverse effects.
To conclude
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, children between the ages of 5 to 12 should not be left alone with their
gadgets
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for a long period of
time
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since it causes slower development of their brains and allows them to access
content
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that is
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not made for their age.
Thus
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, I believe the negative impacts are much greater than the positive impacts. After a thorough analysis of
this
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matter, it is recommended that parents set a
time
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limit for their
kids
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in using
smartphones
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, and set their
gadgets
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into kid mode.
Submitted by fylerone on

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the given topic and presents a clear opinion. However, some points lack thorough development and analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The points are supported with examples, but the connections between ideas could be strengthened for better coherence.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a mix of basic and more advanced vocabulary. There is a need to improve the use and range of vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
A range of grammatical structures is evident in the essay. However, attention to sentence structure complexity and accuracy is needed for a higher score in this criterion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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