Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #punishment #children #point

In the contemporary era, a growing number of individuals

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

that

punishment

in educating

children

is the best way to make them obedient

while

others hold the idea that

reward

Wrong verb form

rewarding

show examples

children

is better.

Personall

Correct your spelling

Personally

, I am convinced that the combination

between

Change preposition

show examples

punishment

and

rewarding

Replace the word

reward

show examples

are

Change the verb form

show examples

the best way to teach

children

and

this

essay

would be explaining

Wrong verb form

will explain

show examples

both sides. First and foremost, the main reason why a number of individuals

holds

Change the verb form

hold

show examples

that idea is

punishment

helps

children

recognize right and wrong

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

after they cause a consequence.

Moreover

punishment

can help build discipline and self-control, based on fear of bad consequences.

However

, only marginal punishments should be applied and

children

should not be punished by violence so that

children

are more aware of their behavior.

For instance

the

Correct article usage

show examples

number of

Asian’s

Change noun form

Asian

show examples

strictly

Rephrase

apply

show examples

parents

applied

Wrong verb form

apply

show examples

light

punishment

Change preposition

show examples

their

children

such

confiscate

Wrong verb form

confiscating

show examples

a child's favorite item or

punish

Wrong verb form

punishing

show examples

them without watching TV for a day so that they remember their mistakes and do not make them again.

On the other hand

, rewarding

children

also

a very good act of educating

children

. Some people believe that rewarding

children

for being obedient will give them more motivation and help them build self-discipline, rather than fear of

punishment

However

, rewards sometimes

also

need to be accompanied by

punishment

when

children

do wrong. They need to improve self-awareness and the ability to recognize wrong or right. In conclusion,

although

both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that older generations should combine the

punishment

and reward to

teaching

Wrong verb form

teach

show examples

children

in the best way.

Submitted by phthaoo on Wed Nov 08 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence.

task achievement

The response addresses the task, but the ideas need to be more comprehensive and clear to fully meet the requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Today, many people are suffering from health problems because of fast food the Government should tax higher fast food what is your opinion about this?

Multinational companies are becoming increasingly common in developing countries. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Many famous people are treated unfairly by the media. Some believe they should be given more privacy, while others think otherwise. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Some people think that old buildings should be knocked down and give way to the new buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? How important are old buildings to us?