Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #punishment #children #point

In the contemporary era, a growing number of individuals

believed

Wrong verb form

believe

show examples

that

punishment

in educating

children

is the best way to make them obedient

while

others hold the idea that

reward

Wrong verb form

rewarding

show examples

children

is better.

Personall

Correct your spelling

Personally

, I am convinced that the combination

between

Change preposition

show examples

punishment

and

rewarding

Replace the word

reward

show examples

are

Change the verb form

show examples

the best way to teach

children

and

this

essay

would be explaining

Wrong verb form

will explain

show examples

both sides. First and foremost, the main reason why a number of individuals

holds

Change the verb form

hold

show examples

that idea is

punishment

helps

children

recognize right and wrong

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

after they cause a consequence.

Moreover

punishment

can help build discipline and self-control, based on fear of bad consequences.

However

, only marginal punishments should be applied and

children

should not be punished by violence so that

children

are more aware of their behavior.

For instance

the

Correct article usage

show examples

number of

Asian’s

Change noun form

Asian

show examples

strictly

Rephrase

apply

show examples

parents

applied

Wrong verb form

apply

show examples

light

punishment

Change preposition

show examples

their

children

such

confiscate

Wrong verb form

confiscating

show examples

a child's favorite item or

punish

Wrong verb form

punishing

show examples

them without watching TV for a day so that they remember their mistakes and do not make them again.

On the other hand

, rewarding

children

also

a very good act of educating

children

. Some people believe that rewarding

children

for being obedient will give them more motivation and help them build self-discipline, rather than fear of

punishment

However

, rewards sometimes

also

need to be accompanied by

punishment

when

children

do wrong. They need to improve self-awareness and the ability to recognize wrong or right. In conclusion,

although

both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that older generations should combine the

punishment

and reward to

teaching

Wrong verb form

teach

show examples

children

in the best way.

Submitted by phthaoo on Wed Nov 08 2023

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coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence.

task achievement

The response addresses the task, but the ideas need to be more comprehensive and clear to fully meet the requirements.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

punishment
reward
reinforcement
discipline
boundary
behavior
self-esteem
motivation
intrinsic
consequence
fear
anxiety
resentment
positive learning environment
balanced approach

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Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people . To what extent do you agree or disagree .

Some people believe it is better to raise children in the city, while others consider the countryside to be a more suitable choice. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?