In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
We are standing at the new dawn of the world.
Therefore
, nowadays, when job seekers want to get jobs, they have to work far away from their hometowns, and families. In my opinion, there are more benefits than drawbacks and this
essay will present some reasons why I am convinced by that statement.
On the one hand, living and working far away are a good chance for workers to improve and develop their life skills
. First of all, when living alone, people have to form some necessary skills
like cooking or housework skills
. Additionally
, they can also
form their independence and responsibilities in everything they do. Besides
, in new environments with new colleagues, employers have to develop themselves by practising communication and teamwork skills
. Furthermore
, working abroad is also
the chance to have good positions or high-paying jobs.
On the other hand
, some issues need to be paid attention to. First,
living alone in a foreign land means that there are more risks of getting into society's vices like racing, smoking, or drug dealing. Therefore
, they will waste their money to satisfy their unhealthy hobbies. Moreover
, workers usually do not take care of their health because of the huge number of documents, so they are easy to cause diseases. For example
, apprentices usually absorb fast food or junk food to finish their meals. Sometimes, they can also
skip meals, so they can easily become obese and hypoglycemia.
In conclusion, there are some disadvantages when moving away from friends or families, but in my view, the advantages still outweigh. Residents should understand them clearly to minimize the disadvantages.Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job at addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. Make sure to develop your ideas more fully with more specific examples and evidence.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally easy to follow, some sentences are unclear or awkwardly phrased. Ensure that each sentence flows logically from one to the next to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could be better developed to clarify and support your main points. Expanding on examples and providing more detailed explanations will strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
You address both sides of the issue, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.