IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The Internet has as many disadvantage as it does advantages. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#internet
The
Internet
 is the best way for
people
 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great communication together. In the past,
human`s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life was not like the way we live today.
For
example
, they could not send
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 easily to their friend who lived abroad.
Moreover
, they did not know about world news fast.
People
 did not have access to many things that we have today, so
People
 who live in
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
 century can say the
Internet
 is the best invention. The
Internet
 is an incredible way to know about everything that happens in the world.
However
, it is not safe anymore because there is an open virtual media with many strangers.
Therefore
, when are supposed to use the
internet
, you need to make sure that everything is secure.
Otherwise
, you may get into trouble.
For
example
, if you want to pay something online, you must be vigilant because some hackers want to trick you and steal your money.
In addition
, the
Internet
 is not good for children because in their age
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 should control kids` behaviors.
For
example
, many websites on the
Internet
 are not suitable for them. But when we talk about the
Internet
, we know
this
 invention has
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 advantages,
such
 as convenience, quick availability, knowing about news
easily
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and other things. The
Internet
 helps
people
 to have many entertainments.
For
example
, during
COVID
Correct article usage
the COVID
show examples
 pandemic, those who had to stay at home watched many films and series on VODs,
such
 as Netflix, Amazon
prime
Capitalize word
Prime
show examples
, Disney+ and others.
Furthermore
, many friends and families had communications with each other and it was a great help for
human`s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life.
Also
, companies managed challenging and sad days by using the
Internet
 because their employees could do their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 online. After that, many companies added a new position for hiring and it is a remote job. In conclusion, I believe that the
Internet
 is the best thing that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 could have invented because as long as humans have access to the
Internet
, they can have a better life.
Submitted by badrijalali on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay adequately addresses the topic but lacks depth and development in each point. The ideas need to be more thoroughly explored and the examples provided should be more relevant and specific to the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical structure of the ideas within the body paragraphs needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a main point and is linked coherently to the preceding and following paragraphs.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary and uses a variety of expressions. However, to enhance the lexical resource, aim to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and ensure precise word choice to convey ideas effectively.
grammatical range
The essay exhibits a reasonable control of grammar and sentence structure. To improve grammatical range, include more complex sentence structures and use a wider variety of grammatical constructions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • instantaneous communication
  • social media platforms
  • virtual meetings
  • e-commerce
  • global marketplaces
  • streaming services
  • online gaming
  • content creation
  • remote working
  • cyberbullying
  • internet addiction
  • access to information
  • professional development
  • privacy concerns
  • educational resources
What to do next:
Look at other essays: