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Band 4.5

People say that a child success is dependent on the way parents bring them up. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #child #success #parents
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Some are saying the way
child
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succed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in life completely depends upon how they are brought up by their
parents
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. Like, I can'
t
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 completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 but
still
Add a comma
still,
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 I do agree on
same
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some
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 aspects and for other aspects
i
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I
show examples
 will disagree. Let us dive deep into what I am going to emphasize.
Parents
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 play an important
role
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on
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in
show examples
 bringing up their
children
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 during their early phases where they can'
t
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 able to do anything on their own without some external support. I am referring to toddlers. Like, they can'
t
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 always think on their own rather they tend to do what their
parents
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 ask them to do.
For instance
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, like
i
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I
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 am having a niece who is just 2.5 years old and she is quite intelligent and sharp. From her 1st year, my sister and my brother-in-law always stressed
on
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apply
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improving her cognitive skills by buying toys which involve brain activity especially matching some shapes and
identifiying
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identifying
 colours. These activities really helped her to enhance how she
is thinking
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thinks
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 and
also
Linking Words
improving
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improve
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 her memory power.
Aditionally
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Additionally
,
Children
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 who are involved in these activity games
tends
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tend
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 to show some bright results in both academics and other activities.
However
Linking Words
,
Parents
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 can'
t
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 always monitor their
children
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 and it is quite difficult sometimes as they can be busy with their schedule. To an extent, they can but not completely. It is an environment which plays a major factor
on
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in
show examples
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child's
Correct article usage
a child's
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success
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. There are many aspects which influence
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children
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children's
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 growth. For
an
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apply
show examples
example, the school where they are attending or the people
whom
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with whom
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 they are making friends. Schooling plays a profound
role
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 in shaping
up
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apply
show examples
a
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child
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child's
show examples
Success
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.
This
Linking Words
 is the place they are going to spend most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 for years and
this
Linking Words
 place is a beacon of
success
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 or
a
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apply
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despair. Good Friends
also
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plays
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play
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 a key
role
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on
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in
show examples
individual
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an individual
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 person's development. If your
child
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's friends are not
supprotive
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supportive
 and your school is not giving a
hostilic
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holistic
apporach
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approach
of
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to
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 learning it deeply affects a
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child
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child's
show examples
success
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.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Parents
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 do play a major
role
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 but they can'
t
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 influence their
success
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 in
later
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the later
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 stages of a
child
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. So,
Correct article usage
the Enivornment
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Enivornment
Correct your spelling
Environment
 the
child
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 is going to experience will
also
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
play an important factor in
Use synonyms
child's
Correct article usage
the child's
show examples
 development.
Submitted by vigvic013 on

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clear overall opinion at the beginning and stick to it throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined and developed. Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and try to be more precise with word choice.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and try to use a variety of grammatical structures. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurture
  • influence
  • values
  • attitudes
  • supportive environment
  • fostering
  • education
  • learning
  • discipline
  • responsibility
  • social skills
  • emotional skills
  • communication
  • success
What to do next:
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