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Band 4

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parties #birthday #celebrations #waste #money #individuals #society
Celebrating important events may be very attractive. Many people like to invest in their different
parties
 and spend a lot of
money
 in order to
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a fancy celebration
while
 others think that it would be a waste of
money
 and
time
. I think that it is important to enjoy the different celebrations but
besides
 to be realistic
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 that. In the contemporary era, more and more people like to celebrate their
parties
 in unique and
unforgetable
Correct your spelling
unforgettable
 ways. That's why they would agree to spend a huge amount of
money
 and
time
 in order to prepare for it in the best way.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 birthday
parties
, some parents would think about every small detail regarding
this
 event including the place, the clothes, the candies and even the gifts for the guests- things that cost not little
time
 or
money
.
On the other hand
, some people think that investing in
such
 celebrations is just a
time
 and
money
waisting
Correct your spelling
wasting
show examples
.
For example
, if you pay a lot of
money
 in order to arrange your wedding party, you may start
you
Change the pronoun
your
show examples
 new life with
economic
Add an article
the economic
an economic
show examples
 crisis that you may be able to avoid, so
instead
 of spending your budget on the wedding dress or the food, spend that
money
 on a trip around the world with your new partner.
To conclude
, investing in special
parties
 may
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 advantages and
also
drobacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
dropbacks
. In my front of view, it is important to celebrate these
immenant
Correct your spelling
important
 events but not in a way that may cause a financial essay that you have to deal with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for a long
time
.
Submitted by leenaasalee on

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Task Achievement
The essay does not fully address the task, lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are not well-supported.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement. A clearer introduction and conclusion are needed for better coherence and cohesion. Supporting the main points with specific examples would enhance the essay's coherence and cohesion.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision and variety in the choice of words. There are also errors in word choice and usage.
Grammatical Range
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay. Sentence structures are often unclear, and verb tenses are inconsistent. The essay would benefit from more complex sentence structures and more varied and precise use of grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • frivolous
  • lavish
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • consumerism
  • unrealistic
  • social bonds
  • milestones
  • local businesses
  • celebrate
  • memorable
  • nostalgic
  • cherish
  • community
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