IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that arts (such as painting and music) do not improve people's life therefore the government should not spend money on it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #arts #music #life #government #money
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It is debatable
that
Correct word choice
whether
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 the
government
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 should curtail the budget
on
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for
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arts
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. I partly agree with
this
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 view and I enumerate my
reasons
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 below. There are several
reasons
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 why public money should not be spent on
arts
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. For one thing, the
government
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 has to use the taxes more practically.
This
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 is because the division of budget can directly affect a myriad of people’s lives.
For example
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, if the
government
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 decides to allocate a budget to education
instead
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 of
arts
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, free tuition, academic subsidies and more improved school facilities can be achieved, relieving the gap between the rich and the poor. In spite of the
reason
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reasons
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 mentioned above, I support the idea that the
government
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 should invest in
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arts
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the arts
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. First and foremost,
art works
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artworks
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 are the major heritage of mankind, reflecting the society and the culture. Case in point, Monalisa by da Vinci, Almond Blossom by van Gogh, and The Son of Man by Magritte represent different ages, respectively.
Therefore
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, the authorities should spend enough money to preserve these masterpieces, spreading not only artistic values but
also
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 historical properties. Second,
,
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apply
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arts
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 can effectively convey important messages to people.
Due to
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 the fact that
arts
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 can unleash sympathy, compassion and inspiration more easily than an address or short writings.
For instance
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, Life is Beautiful, which is a movie
in
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about
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 terms
of
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apply
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Holocaust and The Second World War, can elicit an immersion
for
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apply
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in
warning
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the warning
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 and
elicit
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apply
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tragedy of war. For these
reasons
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, it is worth vitalizing the
arts
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. In a nutshell,
although
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 some people contend that the
government
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 should aim at other goals
instead
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 of supporting art, the investment
on
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apply
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in art is needed for the
reasons
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 related to cultural and emotional values.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

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task response
Provide a more thorough analysis of the reasons and examples for both agreeing and disagreeing with the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is logically linked to the previous one and that transition words are used effectively to connect ideas.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to include a broader variety of academic and topic-specific terms.
grammatical range and accuracy
Work on using a wider range of complex sentence structures and ensure that grammar and punctuation are more precise.
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