4 – Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #malls #effects #society

There is an argument that

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

teenagers spending their spare

time

in shopping

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

consequently

Add a comma

consequently,

show examples

it brings undesirable effects on them and

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

. I partially agree with

such

point

Correct article usage

a point

show examples

of view, because even though it is important to hang out with

friends

to socialize, it is not a good idea to encourage teenagers to spend so much money

with

Change preposition

show examples

unnecessary things. On the one hand,

this

way of life can encourage

youngsters

to buy junk that they do not even need for real, because society tends to stimulate consumption,

consequently

, there is a waste of money often in unnecessary products.

For example

, it is estimated that 60% of young people in Latin America spend part of their

weekend

Fix the agreement mistake

weekends

show examples

in shopping

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

buying clothing and shoes, which results in impulse consumption.

Additionally

, it can bring debt and develop an addiction to shopping,

therefore

, it will bring financial problems.

On the other hand

, it is

good

Change the article

a good

show examples

idea for

youngsters

to go to a shopping mall for

knowing

Wrong verb form

know

show examples

new people, make new

friends

and have a pleasant

time

to relax, because it can improve their mental health,

thus

, they will be in a good mood and not feel isolated.

For example

, it is known that only 10% of teenagers in

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

go to shopping malls on weekends tend to develop depression in adult life and it is a small amount,

consequently

, they are able to go to shopping malls only to hang out with

friends

and have a delightful

time

Moreover

, when

youngsters

have an active social life they will be happier and it is

Change the article

the

show examples

best choice to combat mental illnesses,

consequently

, stimulating their brains.

To conclude

, I do believe that young people normally buy useless

itens

Correct your spelling

items

due to

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

impulsive consumption, in spite of saving money

avoiding

Correct word choice

and avoiding

show examples

future economic troubles. Ideally, not only should

youngsters

have to hang out with

friends

, but

also

have a

delightable

Correct your spelling

delightful

time

to relax their minds.

Submitted by aracellyfontes on Thu Nov 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay addresses the prompt but does not effectively organize the ideas. Topic sentences and concluding sentences should be used to guide the reader through each paragraph. Connectors and pronouns can be used for better coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant ideas and examples but lacks focus and development. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the examples are fully developed to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

322 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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4 – Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think it's better to choose friends who always have the same opinion as them. Other people believe it's good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

Many people argue that in order to improve the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to make comments or even critism of their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respects and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Students can easily access information online, so libraries are no longer necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.