4 – Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #malls #effects #society

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There is an argument that

Linking Words

due to

Change preposition

apply

show examples

teenagers spending their spare

time

Use synonyms

in shopping

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

Linking Words

consequently

Add a comma

consequently,

show examples

it brings undesirable effects on them and

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

. I partially agree with

such

Linking Words

point

Correct article usage

a point

show examples

of view, because even though it is important to hang out with

friends

Use synonyms

to socialize, it is not a good idea to encourage teenagers to spend so much money

with

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show examples

unnecessary things. On the one hand,

this

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way of life can encourage

youngsters

Use synonyms

to buy junk that they do not even need for real, because society tends to stimulate consumption,

consequently

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, there is a waste of money often in unnecessary products.

For example

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, it is estimated that 60% of young people in Latin America spend part of their

weekend

Fix the agreement mistake

weekends

show examples

in shopping

centers

Change the spelling

centres

show examples

buying clothing and shoes, which results in impulse consumption.

Additionally

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, it can bring debt and develop an addiction to shopping,

therefore

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, it will bring financial problems.

On the other hand

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, it is

good

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a good

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idea for

youngsters

Use synonyms

to go to a shopping mall for

knowing

Wrong verb form

know

show examples

new people, make new

friends

Use synonyms

and have a pleasant

time

Use synonyms

to relax, because it can improve their mental health,

thus

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, they will be in a good mood and not feel isolated.

For example

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, it is known that only 10% of teenagers in

USA

Correct article usage

the USA

show examples

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

go to shopping malls on weekends tend to develop depression in adult life and it is a small amount,

consequently

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, they are able to go to shopping malls only to hang out with

friends

Use synonyms

and have a delightful

time

Use synonyms

Moreover

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, when

youngsters

Use synonyms

have an active social life they will be happier and it is

Change the article

the

show examples

best choice to combat mental illnesses,

consequently

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, stimulating their brains.

To conclude

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, I do believe that young people normally buy useless

itens

Correct your spelling

items

due to

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Correct article usage

apply

show examples

impulsive consumption, in spite of saving money

avoiding

Correct word choice

and avoiding

show examples

future economic troubles. Ideally, not only should

youngsters

Use synonyms

have to hang out with

friends

Use synonyms

, but

also

Linking Words

have a

delightable

Correct your spelling

delightful

time

Use synonyms

to relax their minds.

Submitted by aracellyfontes on Thu Nov 09 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay addresses the prompt but does not effectively organize the ideas. Topic sentences and concluding sentences should be used to guide the reader through each paragraph. Connectors and pronouns can be used for better coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant ideas and examples but lacks focus and development. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the examples are fully developed to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

322 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

materialistic attitudes
excessive consumerism
sedentary lifestyles
peer pressure
financial irresponsibility
meaningful social relationships
family bonding
environmental degradation
commercial environments
productive activities

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4 – Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that the computers will be more intelligent than humans. Others are worried about the negative consequences of them. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment. Only governments and large companies can make a difference. What extent do you agree or disagree?