4 – Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an argument that
due to
teenagers spending their spare Change preposition
apply
time
in shopping centers
, Change the spelling
centres
consequently
it brings undesirable effects on them and Add a comma
consequently,
community
. I partially agree with Correct article usage
the community
such
point
of view, because even though it is important to hang out with Correct article usage
a point
friends
to socialize, it is not a good idea to encourage teenagers to spend so much money with
unnecessary things.
On the one hand, Change preposition
on
this
way of life can encourage youngsters
to buy junk that they do not even need for real, because society tends to stimulate consumption, consequently
, there is a waste of money often in unnecessary products. For example
, it is estimated that 60% of young people in Latin America spend part of their weekend
in shopping Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
centers
buying clothing and shoes, which results in impulse consumption.
Change the spelling
centres
Additionally
, it can bring debt and develop an addiction to shopping, therefore
, it will bring financial problems.
On the other hand
, it is good
idea for Change the article
a good
youngsters
to go to a shopping mall for knowing
new people, make new Wrong verb form
know
friends
and have a pleasant time
to relax, because it can improve their mental health, thus
, they will be in a good mood and not feel isolated. For example
, it is known that only 10% of teenagers in USA
Correct article usage
the USA
that
go to shopping malls on weekends tend to develop depression in adult life and it is a small amount, Correct pronoun usage
who
consequently
, they are able to go to shopping malls only to hang out with friends
and have a delightful time
.
Moreover
, when youngsters
have an active social life they will be happier and it is a
best choice to combat mental illnesses, Change the article
the
consequently
, stimulating their brains.
To conclude
, I do believe that young people normally buy useless itens
Correct your spelling
items
due to
a
impulsive consumption, in spite of saving money Correct article usage
apply
avoiding
future economic troubles. Ideally, not only should Correct word choice
and avoiding
youngsters
have to hang out with friends
, but also
have a delightable
Correct your spelling
delightful
time
to relax their minds.Submitted by aracellyfontes on
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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the prompt but does not effectively organize the ideas. Topic sentences and concluding sentences should be used to guide the reader through each paragraph. Connectors and pronouns can be used for better coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant ideas and examples but lacks focus and development. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the examples are fully developed to support the main points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.