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Band 5.5

Young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on young people and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #malls #effects #society
There is an argument that teenagers spend their spare
time
 in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
,
consequently
,
Correct pronoun usage
which brings
show examples
brings
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 undesirable effects on them and the community. I partially agree with
such
 a point of view, because even though it is important to hang out with
friends
 to socialize, it is not a good idea to encourage teenagers to spend so much money on unnecessary things. On the one hand,
this
 way of life can encourage
youngsters
 to buy junk that they do not even need for real, because society tends to stimulate consumption,
consequently
, there is a waste of money often in unnecessary products.
For example
, it is estimated that 60% of young people in Latin America spend part of their weekends in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 buying clothing and shoes, which results in impulse consumption.
Additionally
, it can bring debt and develop an addiction to shopping,
therefore
, it will bring financial problems.
On the other hand
, it is a good idea for
youngsters
 to go to a shopping mall to know new people,
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 new
friends
 and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a pleasant
time
 relaxing, because it can improve their mental health,
thus
, they will be in a good mood and not feel isolated.
For example
, it is known that only 10% of teenagers in the USA who go to shopping malls on weekends tend to develop depression in adult life and it is a small amount,
consequently
, they are able to go to shopping malls only to hang out with
friends
 and have a delightful
time
.
Moreover
, when
youngsters
 have an active social life they will be happier and it is the best choice to combat mental illnesses,
consequently
, stimulating their brains.
To conclude
, I do believe that young people normally buy useless items
due to
 impulsive consumption, in spite of saving money and avoiding future economic troubles. Ideally, not only should
youngsters
 have to hang out with
friends
, but
also
 have a delightful
time
 to relax their minds.
Submitted by aracellyfontes on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your examples directly support your main points and are relevant to the topic.
task achievement
Focus on addressing the specific extent to which you agree or disagree and ensure that all aspects of the question are covered.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary by using a wider variety of words and phrases to convey your ideas.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure and ensure that your sentences are grammatically accurate and varied.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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