IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many museums charge for the entries while others are free. Do you think the advantage of charging people for admission for museum outweigh its disadvantages.

#museums #charge #entries #advantage #people #admission #museum
In many cities, in order to visit the museum, people have to pay a fee for entry and
they
Correct pronoun usage
some
show examples
 accept to do it
while
 others think they should be exempted. From my perspective, the advantages of paying for museum visits outweigh the cons.
Firstly
, visiting
museums
 is
also
 considered to be a kind of service and it needs to have the financial source to
remain
Verb problem
maintain
show examples
 their activities and properties. Usually,
museums
 are built on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large acreage with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 number of facilities and
manpowers
Correct your spelling
manpower
.
Therefore
, money collected from visitors can be spent on
operation
Correct article usage
the operation
show examples
 costs of
museums
 including
electric
Replace the word
electricity
show examples
,
water
Correct word choice
and water
show examples
 bills and
employee's
Change noun form
employee
show examples
 pay
cheque
Fix the agreement mistake
cheques
show examples
. So, paying for the visiting service in
museums
 means that citizens can help to alleviate the financial burden for governments if
museums
 do not have the ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
self-nurturing
Correct your spelling
self-nurture
show examples
.
Secondly
, receiving money from customers
lets
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 museum owners have
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to enhance the quality of their infrastructure.
In deed
Correct your spelling
Indeed
show examples
, when people allocate their expenses
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 any
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
, they almost want to be satisfied and comfortable. On the opposite side, the leadership of
museums
also
 have to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 solution for attracting visitors.
As a result
, they may invest more in the customer's experience with vivid sound and image effects. By doing
this
,
museums
 can become an interesting choice when people want to find a place to release their stress or give their children a chance to acquire valuable knowledge from
museums
. In conclusion, in contemporary days, paying charges for any
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
 is the normal thing and
museums
 with their functions deserve to be given a fee from visitors.
Submitted by leanhduc24121987 on

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task response
The essay adequately discusses the advantages of charging for museum visits, but it lacks some depth in the explanation. The examples provided are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to support the points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples, but the connections between ideas could be smoother for better coherence.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is fairly strong, demonstrating a good range of vocabulary. However, there are instances of imprecise word choice and some awkward phrasing that affect the overall clarity.
grammatical range
The essay shows a good grasp of grammatical structures and uses a variety of sentence types. However, there are occasional errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage that affect the fluency and accuracy of the writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural preservation
  • Acquisition
  • Regulate visitor numbers
  • Public access
  • Government funding
  • Private donations
  • Community engagement
  • Exclusive or elitist
  • Socio-economic backgrounds
  • Accessibility
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