IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Having a large amount of sugar can cause different types of diseases. It is mandatory to control sugar for a better lifestyle. Though some communities opine that the government should handle it, others believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to control it. I think that both the authority and the public should be involved to rectify the problem. Society who support the former statement may argue that the regime has the responsibility to confirm a healthy diet.
Moreover
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, it has the right to become strict about the consumption of carbohydrates.
For instance
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, the state has the consumption report of carbohydrates in
this
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 country.
As a result
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, it is easy to maintain the balanced adoption of sweet products. If it increases the use of
this
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 item, it can impose a tax to stop
this
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 heavy adoption.
Furthermore
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, the authority can raise the concern of
this
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 community by taking different steps, like giving advertisements or involving volunteers.
Thus
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, it is possible to maintain the adoption of
this
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 item within a certain level.
On the other hand
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, people should
also
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 be concerned about their health. It is their responsibility to become healthy.
For example
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, people who are habituated to physical exercise and avoid sweets, are never attacked by diabetes. it happens because of their sincerity.
Therefore
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, everybody should follow some rules and regulations to maintain their health.
In addition
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, the authority can apply some rules, but cannot confirm that everyone is following these.
Thereafter
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, communities are the key resources to minimise the use of carbohydrates. In conclusion, it can be said that both the state and the public should work together to confirm proper health for any society.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, specifically mention any countries or policies where the government has imposed taxes on sugary products and the impact that has had.
task achievement
Include more elaborate ideas and explanations in each paragraph to create a more comprehensive and clear discussion. Some points are introduced but not fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Some transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay. Consider using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
language use grammar
Check for minor grammatical errors, such as word choice and article usage, to improve clarity and precision. However, they don’t significantly impact understanding in their current form.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a well-structured introduction and clear conclusion, ensuring that the reader understands your position regarding the topic.
task achievement
The relevance of sugar consumption's health risks is well-addressed and ties back to the central topic of government versus individual responsibility.
critical thinking
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument, which provides a comprehensive perspective on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmful
  • government intervention
  • policies and regulations
  • public health
  • individual responsibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • freedom of choice
  • balanced approach
  • food industry
  • sugar content
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • health problems
  • taxation
  • advertising restrictions
  • labeling requirements
  • reading food labels
  • natural sweeteners
  • cooking at home
  • moderation
  • balanced diets
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