IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbour or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and Include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

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As we all know
community
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 service has a major impact on
people
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's life, especially giving a helping hand to the suppressed society around us. I believe
this
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 is a responsibility that should be done to our country as a citizen. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss on unpaid
community
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services
Use synonyms
 should be implemented as a programme in high
school
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 studies.
To begin
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 with,
community
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services
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 have existed in our country throughout history.
However
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, the current generation is not aware of it. The unpaid
community
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 service aids in building close connections with
people
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 and
also
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 creates a sense of love, affection and kindness in their social lives.
Besides
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,it is
also
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 important to keep up these morals by passing them down to future generations. For
this
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, implementing
community
Use synonyms
services
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 as a part of the
school
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 curriculum really helps. A survey conducted by the Trichur City Council proved that children who fall under 15 have less compassion and affection for
people
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 than
people
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 who fall above 25. The major reason is the lack of awareness among them.
Secondly
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, Students from schools with the National Service Scheme and other voluntary organizations as part of their
school
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 programme seemed to be dominating when they were asked to deliver help to
people
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 who were unknown to them. From
this
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, we have understood how it is important to have a selfless mind in children.
Moreover
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, charity, caring for neighbours or teaching younger ones about a skill, sport or study improves dopamine levels and hormonal balance thereby creating good mental health.
To sum up
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, In my opinion, I agree with the statement that unpaid
community
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services
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 should be a compulsory part of high
school
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 programmes.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 important to appreciate kids by rewarding a token of appreciation to the ones who outperform the unpaid social
services
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 which improves the children to get motivated and to do similar
services
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 again.

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task achievement
The essay should include more specific examples that further elaborate on the main points. Providing concrete instances can make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is well-organized, consider using more transition words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This will enhance readability and make the essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that introducory statements, like what was used in the first sentence, are directly connected to the thesis statement. This can make the essay’s aim clearer from the outset.
task achievement
You have effectively presented a balanced view and taken a clear stance on the issue. This makes your argument persuasive and well-reasoned.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This aids in readability and logical flow.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully supported your main points with explanations, showing your ability to develop ideas comprehensively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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