IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, the
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly people is increasing in many nations.
While
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 an ageing population doesn't have enough working
employees
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, I believe that
there're
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there are
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 more advantages because the elderly have more expertise and can work effectively even after retirement. The main drawback with a large
number
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 of citizens over 65 is the lack of
employees
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 in a myriad of job fields. The reason is that the optimal working period for a human
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
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 between 18-
50
Correct word choice
and 50
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 years old and most older people can't execute
in
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apply
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jobs with high levels of
details
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detail
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. Japan,
for instance
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, suffered for decades
due to
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 the lack of available workers in their electronic factories and had to
accepts
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accept
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employees
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 from other Asian countries
such
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 as Vietnam.
On the other hand
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, a large
number
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 of elder people in society can provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
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profound knowledge, experience and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long-term vision that most young workers can't have.
Therefore
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, they will be suitable to work as experts and consultants for companies, groups or even the government.
For example
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, most members of the Vietnamese consultation groups are experts in their fields with
the
Correct article usage
an
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 average age of over 60. Another advantage is that with easy access to the Internet, elderly
citizen
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citizens
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 can now study new abilities and skills and continue their contributions in new positions
such
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 as content creators, models, coders or gamers. Hamako Mori, a
90-year old
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90-year-old
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 Japanese citizen, is now world-famous for her excellent gaming skills
who
Correct pronoun usage
she
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 can still play 7-8 hours a day and be able to compete in world championships. In conclusion, an ageing population can restrict the
number
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 of
employees
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 in various job fields
however
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, the elderly can still work effectively with their expertise to provide consultations or contribute their talents in new
position
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positions
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.

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task response
The essay adequately addresses the task, but the argumentation needs to be more balanced and consider counter-arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical structure within the body paragraphs could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there is a need to further develop the use of academic and precise terminology.
grammatical range
The essay generally maintains an appropriate level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of inappropriate word choices and lack of sentence variety.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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