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Band 3

Governments should spend money on rails rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #rails #roads
State
Add an article
The state
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 ought to use capital on railways,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 highways
also
needs
Change the verb form
need
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 money.In my opinion, I totally agree that rails
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 amount, since it is a better mode of transport. To start with, governments should disburse more on rail-line because trains are much faster than
using
Verb problem
apply
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buses and cars.For
examlpe
Correct your spelling
example
, in
China
Add a comma
China,
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 the highest population is recently using rail transport when they are travelling from one city to another city.
This
 will save their time,
therefore
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 must use cash to develop tracks and impress customers.There is less congestion
while
 using
train
Correct article usage
the train
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 system
comparison
Change preposition
in comparison
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 to
road-users
Correct your spelling
road users
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,sometimes your journey would be delayed for some minutes or even an hour
dependly
Correct your spelling
depending
.
Secondly
,
Correct article usage
the track-line
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track-line
Correct your spelling
track line
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 is
also
 flexible and accommodates hundreds of people per
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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trip.Meanwhile, country
organisation
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organisations
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 can squander money on
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
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 department to add
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of trains and
regular repairing
Replace the word
regularly repair
show examples
 of
track-lines
Correct your spelling
lines
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.
On the other hand
, some people agree that
road
Correct article usage
the road
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 is
also
 important when transporting
persons
Replace the word
people
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 from one
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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place to the other.Administration
suppose
Change the verb form
supposes
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 to
expend
Correct your spelling
expand
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 on
roadway
Add an article
the roadway
a roadway
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,
thus
highway
Fix the agreement mistake
highways
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 will use at all short distances journeys because it's faster and
reliable
Correct quantifier usage
more reliable
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.
For instance
, if tourists
touring in
Wrong verb form
tour
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 the town, it is impossible to travel
in
Change preposition
by
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rails
Fix the agreement mistake
rail
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instead
.And
also
 motor vehicles and auto-bus can fit in some circumstances whilst
train
Fix the agreement mistake
trains
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 only can stop mainly
on
Change preposition
at
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train-stations
Correct your spelling
train stations
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 and not everywhere.
To conclude
, In my opinion, I agree that
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
show examples
 should spend finances on railway lines compared to highways.
Submitted by cajaah93 on

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task response
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coherence cohesion
Work on coherence and cohesion by structuring the essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ensure that ideas are logically connected.
lexical resource
Expand lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary and expressing ideas more precisely.
grammatical range
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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