IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which view point do you agree with?

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One of the social concerns today relates to how to react to
advertisements
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.
While
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 it is widely believed that advertising encourages
people
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 to buy things that they really do not need, others believe that
advertisements
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 tell consumers about new
products
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 that may improve their lives. In my opinion,
advertisements
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 are quick selling ways from the producers. On the one hand, it is argued that advertising can sometimes lead us to buy goods that we do not actually need. The main reason is that the producers always want to sell their
products
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 as many as they can.
Therefore
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, they often use persuasive techniques to convince the consumers. One good illustration of
this
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 is
advertisements
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 usually appear with attractive images and adorable language. Another reason is
people
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 are easily influenced by smart marketing strategies.
For example
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, dairy
products
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 are often advertised as they will help children to be intelligent and tall quickly.
As a result
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, parents can buy those
products
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 for their children to eat every day
although
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 the children have enough nutrition.
On the other hand
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, it is strongly believed that
advertisements
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 tell
people
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 about new
products
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 that may improve their lives.
People
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 often have
this
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 opinion because displays can introduce consumers to innovative technology and solutions. A second is that commercials can help purchasers make informed decisions about goods and services. In conclusion, it is commonly thought that commercials can lead buyers to waste and unnecessary consumption; meanwhile, others assume that displays of new
products
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 can educate customers about new options and choices available in the market. Personally, I think
advertisements
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 are good methods for both providers and purchasers because they bring benefits for both.

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Task Response
The essay does not fully address the specific viewpoints presented in the prompt. It's important to clearly state and support a single viewpoint, providing clear examples and reasoning.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is uneven. The argument for and against is not consistently developed and organized.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource used in the essay is adequate, but there is room for improvement in the variety and precision of vocabulary used.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical structures, but there are some errors in sentence structure and punctuation that affect clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advertising
  • Encourages
  • Buy things
  • Do not need
  • Advertisements
  • Tell
  • New products
  • Improve
  • Lives
  • Viewpoint
  • Agree
  • Sometimes
  • Lead to
  • Persuasive techniques
  • Convince
  • Unnecessary purchases
  • Waste
  • Consumption
  • Clever
  • Marketing strategies
  • Influenced
  • Innovative technology
  • Solutions
  • Educate
  • Options
  • Choices
  • Market
  • Help
  • Informed decisions
  • Products
  • Services
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