8. Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #woodwork #school #friends

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In today’s modern society, children necessitate fundamental changes to educational platforms.

Although

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traditional subjects

such

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as Math, Literature or science are undoubtedly significant, personally, I strongly believe that

schools

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should incorporate practical life

skills

Use synonyms

like baking, dressmaking or wood-making into education systems. First of all, teaching practical

skills

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at home is

also

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crucial. We can observe that many traditional academic

schools

Use synonyms

usually skip the essential life

skills

Use synonyms

in their curricula. To illustrate,

schools

Use synonyms

can organise classes to teach young people about cooking,

thus

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they can gain a deep understanding of healthy eating diet, meal planning and the value of balanced nutrition. These

skills

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will contribute to creating good habits for young people and lead to a lifelong impact on their health.

This

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process is best done in families where habits can form in the long term.

On the other hand

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, incorporating main subjects and real-life

skills

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will attract students more

thanjust

Correct your spelling

than just

traditional.

This

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will reduce boredom and discover more innovative students because not all of the students excel in academics.

For instance

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, a student who struggles with academics might discover fashionable talent. He is more interested in design, colour and sewing garments. From that, teachers can help him improve his talent and make him have a comfortable and excited feeling about school,

thusboosting

Correct your spelling

thus boosting

his

overall

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engagement and motivation. In conclusion, I can say that

although

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practice

skills

Use synonyms

are not quite as vital as academic subjects , it is necessary in real life, and

schools

Use synonyms

need to incorporate both of them into curricula.

Submitted by dieuvipham.hd on Thu Nov 09 2023

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly between sentences and paragraphs to improve coherence and cohesion.

lexical resource

Expand your range of vocabulary to enhance your writing and express ideas more clearly.

grammatical range

Use a variety of complex sentence structures and grammatical forms to demonstrate a broader range of grammar.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic success
passing examinations
cookery
dressmaking
woodwork
learn from family and friends
personalized learning environment
supportive learning environment
well-rounded education
school curriculum
resources
expert guidance
enhance creativity
problem-solving
teamwork

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8. Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

14.With computers and the Internet, people can study and work without going to school or a company. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages?

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

people should only buy food sourced locally.what are advantages and disadvantages?