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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. Discuss both views, and give your opinion.

#people #education #classes #part #child #focus #academics #school #time
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One of the widely discussed topics nowadays is giving a quality
education
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. It is undeniable that
education
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 become
essential
Add an article
an essential
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 part of our life. But, there is no absolute agreement on whether
education
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 should be only academic or physical activities. Commonly held belief that academic
education
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 is very important to a child's ability to think and acknowledge. As
evidence
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evidence,
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 they point out that in school
children
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 learn and find out new
things
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, experience new exercises and create
a
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apply
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new
project
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projects
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.
Furthermore
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, school time knowledge is very important to growing organisms, since their brain starving for knowledge and want to explore new
things
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.
Because even
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Even
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 scientists have evidence that
brain
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the brain
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 neurons of young people still have more space or power and filling
this
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 with knowledge is the best idea.
On the other hand
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, some people claim that physical
education
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 is
also
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 vital, given that
children
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 will tire or have a negative mood from learning new
things
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 a whole time.
Moreover
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, humans who do regular routine events like sports, physical activities or even exercises have
such
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 good memories. Because, the fact that people refresh their brains by doing physical
education
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 have an incredible mindset
due to
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 the event's change brain can relax. In conclusion, considering the
things
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 mentioned previously I argue that
children
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's first priority must be academic
education
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, but physical
education
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Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 required by the growing organism
,
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apply
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 since without
this
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children
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's
education
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 may be
cause
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caused
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hazard
Correct article usage
the hazard
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 of
boring
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boredom
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 or loss of interest.
Therefore
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, t think both of them need attention and must be related to each other.
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

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task response
The essay partially addresses the given topic by discussing both views, but the arguments lack depth and coherence. More specific examples and details are needed to fully support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured with an introduction and conclusion, but the development and connection of ideas within paragraphs are lacking. The logical flow of information is not consistently maintained.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there are instances of unclear expression and imprecise word choice. More varied and precise vocabulary would enhance the essay's quality.
grammatical range
The grammar and sentence structure are adequate, but there are errors in verb tenses, word usage, and sentence construction that affect the clarity of the essay. Greater attention to sentence structure and accuracy is needed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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